What is your main focus for today?

If I may simply jump to the point of penning all this down, I think one of the reasons I go on exchange is to simply let myself out into a completely unfamiliar environment, and let things hit me as they are, and hopefully along the way discover and learn new things, not just around me but within me as well.

I guess one key view that I have come to realise is the differences in the world view of many people I know around me as compared to back in my home country. The outlook is different, and I really see many people considering the real world application of their degree, and how they are actively working towards their passions, not simply just holding the "study and get degree then see how lor" mindset.

As somebody who was never satisfied with that persistent mindset that seeks to embed itself in my consciousness since I was young, this was really a refreshing view. Looking through this lenses, I increasingly realise that there are many people out there who are willing to help and give you opportunities, only if you see it and actively search for it. Instead of simply wasting time away, of getting your degree (yes, just spending time in university with the sole purpose of getting your degree is stupid), we should be out there taking advantage of the opportunities that are open to us, as students in a climate conducive for exploration and experimentation (only if you see it).

I recently saw a quote on Facebook by a friend of mine, and I really see the truth in it now; the world is indeed full of opportunities, it is only whether you actively go out and seek them.

There's simply so many things to do to feel bored and tired. Like a close mentor of mine once said, the 20s definitely isn't time for you to feel tired and relax. Take advantage of how you are full of energy and pursue.

And what is my main focus for today?

To achieve the most that I can. Everyday.

Finland

And so i'm on exchange in finland right now. i was gonna pen my thoughts on exchange since a month ago, but i guess procrastination got the better of me. and at this point, the sheer number of things to write about are kinda overwhelming. i generally think alot (too much) about a lot of issues, so imagine a month's worth of backlog. 

and... procrastination got the better of me. kbye

For the people

I was suddenly intrigued by this whole series of thoughts that rushed into my head on the way home, linking several pieces of information from both the distant past and recent weeks into one revelation.

It was first triggered by an image that a friend of mine sent to me, it was a picture talking about how a high ranking official had about 26million worth of shares in a company. Now, anybody with an active portfolio knows that with such a large stock, it won't be the only one. That means the person's wealth is probably way more than that amount, maybe close to 40 million. That set me thinking, that person must been quite the financial genius to be able to work out such a splendid portfolio. The cadre does indeed have top people for the job, the best talents and greatest minds. However, there was just one problem. The thing about many great minds, especially those seem to fit the ideal mould of progress and economic growth, is that they must have the ability to quantify things, even seemingly unquantifiable ones. Like happiness, well-being, poverty and the standard of living. These things become numbers. When things that normally tug away at heartstrings stop affecting them in the pursuit of growth, growth is unhindered as these great minds work in unison, in a magnificent combination actually, to bring this mega corporation to new heights. Now, this bit will be taken from something i learnt from a prof. When people like this form a cadre and set out a training process to pick the brightest. The top that emerges will usually fit perfectly into their mould. The mould that they set, what they assume as the best will be one that exemplifies the characteristics they value, incidentally, they possess. Another friend once told me (I respect her immensely) that many corporations, especially those that are international and grow to be extremely huge have a selection process that tries to occasionally select someone that exemplifies different qualities. Bring in fresh blood to the scene, add a dynamic element and watch natural chemistry work, and the top leadership rejuvenates and evolves dynamically. This doesn't seem to be happening. Its a static process, with undoubtedly great minds coming out, but all of the same mould. Yes the corporation progresses, but certain things, because of a dearth of quality of certain essential values, will flounder and go neglected. Yes certainly lip service may be paid, cause any decent great mind know that a little must be done to placate the plebeians.

This struck through again when another friend spoke of an interview with a person who was exceptional. The person had eyes for large changes, revolutionary changes for the benefit of us, but it seems that he did not regard the small things such as the human touch and the nurturing and development. Nurture specific moulds yes, but not the holistic nurturing of all.The person was on his way into the cadre no doubt, approved by the higher echelons that run the corporation.

Is that where this is all heading? The widening gap, the dissent, the increasing unrest, because this is a self-perpetuating cycle. The top minds yes, no doubt, so far top that certain things go unseen. They say that the best teams are those that compromises of the most dynamic personalities, this is looking to be clearly not happening. Just needed to put it all down into words. Peace of mind now. Cheers


* Maybe this is what I am going to do, corporate psychology and team dynamics

Of meta-cognitions and poppihollas

(photo credits to the awesome photographer who took this shot)

Its been awhile since I last blogged. Havent really had the time to sit down and write a complete full length post. 

Just got out of another cyclical mood episode today. I tend to vacillate between high and low moods in random cycles, but most people don't really witness them, save for the closest people in my life. 

I was sitting at the food court having a plate of fish and chips just now, and I decided to take some time to just sit there and watch the tv at the food court. Now, this is really quite something because the last time I watched tv was probably a couple of years ago. Yes, the sitting down in front of the sofa and flipping between channel isn't really my kind of thing. The interesting bit is that the advertisements suddenly feel so packed with semiotics. There was an advert of the Brands' Essence of Chicken that depicts a man full of energy at work and off work, showing how Brands' Chicken Essence effectively banished the man's counterpart (tired and exhausted). There's this idea of dispelling the importance of downtime, which really is what society's all about today. Complete effectiveness, no moment lost, 24/7 on the ball. 

While I constantly strive to be as efficient as possible, I don't believe in being 24/7 efficient. Studies have already shown that downtime is extremely important for us. Downtime gives us the moment for quiet contemplation and appreciation for the things that have happened in life. Downtime gives our brain cognitive relief from the fast paced society that pushes us to our limits everyday. Blogging is my downtime. Walking over to the food court for a meal is my downtime. Strolling down the aisle of NTUC searching for nuts and oats is my downtime (yes, i have my moments of weirdness).

Now this gets a little weird in terms of phrasing but here goes. Thinking of these thoughts (yes, metacognition here), I really start to appreciate the value of my course of study in illuminating my life with a much in depth perspective. If I had chosen to study something else, I might not have been able to put those thoughts of watching the advertisements into words because I simply might not have the words for them. You know when you're young and you just felt weird about something but do not have the words to describe it; there are words now. 

Am suddenly extremely glad that I have made psychology and communications my course of study for the next few years. Hurray to introspection and analysis :)

Till then, then. 

PS: yes, i really am some kind of a nerd. But I don't see anything wrong with embracing knowledge. 

Self?

It has been awhile since I last penned down my thoughts. A lot of stuff has been overwhelming me since school started; I guess that left with me little time to really sit down and blog away. 

I've been recently reintroduced to introspect, something that I left behind amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life. I must say that rediscovering myself year after year (yes the mind is a quirky being, constantly changing in its decisions) have led me to have a more complete understanding of myself. 

I am a social creature, and I get tremendously upset when many things don't go well in social settings. It has almost become that I often tread carefully in social circumstances such that I try my best to make everybody happy in that social set, treading carefully to include everybody in a conversation, to diffuse potential tensions and to sustain material of interest in otherwise awkward situations. That has somehow set the stage for the underlying self-consciousness within me; constantly concerned of people's view of me, of how my actions may affect perceptions in different social contexts.

That being said, I also vacillate toward the other extreme. This side of me, few people do see. This is where I despise (maybe thats too strong a word) company, preferring to indulge in being alone and being left alone, for that matter. Increasingly, this side has been emerging as a pretty dominant aspect as I feel increasingly alienated from many things that are happening in my life right now. This just sometimes make me wonder, is it anything wrong, or is it just part of growing up?

That brings me to the point of this monologue on a space that has accompanied me through so many manifestations of myself. From teenage cheerful innocence, to the angst, and to the pre-college discoveries and aches, and to the insecurities of work and the satisfaction of teaching, and now onward to this.

Loneliness. Is this a simple and profound truth that speaks of us all, a unique paradox set against the backdrop of social creatures like us?

This notion stings of isolation, it stings of the realisation in the harsh superficiality of social interactions, it stings of the turbulent thoughts of the grand purpose of life.  

There are times where I don't want to be part of this. I want to immerse myself in a blanket of social interactions, superficial or not; to believe that I am happy. 

I don't know how this convoluted thoughts will make any sense when I read them again in the future, but it was just something that made me want to note them down. 

This is a poem by e.e.cummings that I was introduced to in secondary school. Somehow, amidst the naive happiness and turbulent angst of the teenage mind, this poem struck a chord with me till today.

l(a

l(a

le

af

fa

ll

s)

one

l

iness

-e.e.cummings

Voices

"Do it, you know it's the only way. All this pain and suffering you have been through, it will all end after this. It's the only way. Do it, do it!"

It started last year, around August, in the midst of all the work he was doing then. It begun with the faintest whisper at the side of his head, a distant voice somewhere in the recesses of his mind; a voice that became increasingly vocal and frequent as the months pass by. It was after his breakup with his long time girlfriend. It told him that nobody will ever like him.

He blamed it on the lack of time because of his busy schedule. He was studying in school for most parts of the day and worked most nights. Weekends went to work as well, it was the prime time to squeeze in as many students as possible. It was where the money was, tuition. He ate his meals alone most of the time; the meal timings he had were too erratic to be able to arrange any meet ups with his friends. The voice slowly begun to materialise more frequently.

"Why do you even bother? There's no meaning to all this."

At first, he found the voice to be all too defeatist, and simply pushed it away to the back of his mind, as if it wasn't there. Slowly he found that the voice made sense. What was the point of working so hard? What was the point of studying? Getting a useless piece of paper, just to be thrown into another mindless cycle of work day after day? What was the point of life? You do so much, but what ultimately comes out of it? You leave the world alone, just like how you came in. You can spend your life the happiest man, the richest man, but you'll leave just the same way as the poor beggar who lies starving by the roadside. Alone. With nothing. Without meaning. What was the point of living? It all begun to make sense, what he should do.

He took a deep breath, and the stale night air rushed through his lungs. The night was beautiful. Darkness covered the housing estate like a cape, blanketing itself over the buildings whose occupants were fast asleep in the wee hours of the morning, save a few lone souls, marked by lighted windows, dotting the nightscape; blocks of life in the silent night. The stillness of the night reflected his thoughts and sentiments, a lone leaf floating in the middle of a lake. Moving, yet still. Invisible, yet present.

"Don't you see? No one would care if you were gone. Nobody would care! You're nothing to them!"

The voice broke the tranquility of the night. It was right, no one would miss him. His students treated him as a paid worker, useless once there was no need for him. His friends treated him like an object, a marvellous thing, a subject of conversation of a machine who worked without stopping. An object. His parents were always asleep when he was home, and still fast asleep when he left the house in the morning. No one would care if he was gone.

He took a step forward and looked down. It was a long fall. But death would be quick. No one could survive the impact. Falling. Maybe he would finally know what it felt to be free. Falling through space, unbounded and free.

His body was found by a passer-by two days later in a bush.


-

Disclaimer: Not advocating suicide over here, funny how inspiration comes from all sorts of places. Was taking abit of shut-eye on the train but was awoken by horrendous singing of a guy sitting beside me. Hence the word, voices.

Fantastic fantastic fantastic song

Ayurveda

I recently re-read a literature text which I studied for back in secondary school. It was a book titled The English Teacher by R.K Narayan. I remembered how many of us didn't like the book, the teacher included, and preferred doing Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing over it. (The play was the other part of the Olevel syllabus I had to study for)

Since then, I have re-visited this book a number of times, and each time i read it, i gleam something more out of it.

I used to detest the notion of re-reading books when i was young, thinking that re-reading them is a definite waste of time.

Re-reading books like this, I now find great value in it as I realised that as we grow older, we gain different perspectives from the book, and we learn so much more than what the book offers in the first read.

Reading The English Teacher (which interestingly, as I have come to realise, is not so much about the diatribe of the protagonist against the colonial standards of english upon his country), but more so to the idea of inner peace and sanctury.

It is there that these ideas intruiged me to find out more, and subsequently gain a more insightful understanding of the text. What delights me the most is how the text uncovers so much more beyond its initial words and causes the reader to go into ideas of the Ayurvedic faith, as well as the ideas of Ashrama Dharma, in particular the final stage of life, Sanyasa Ashrama.

While I stand on the side of the unreligious, I do highly admire the teachings of various religions regarding the attainment of inner peace and tranquility. We have the strong moral directions of Christianity, the benevolent preachings of Islam, as well as the peace-loving doctrines of Buddhism and Hinduism.

As such, it is nights like this, (had a rather tumultuous quarrel with my dad just now), that i seem to seek solace in such ideas and calm myself to a resolute and calm will, a sign of inner peace i hope, as i note down my thoughts here.

i had a quarrel with my dad, actually over an unimportant thing, in retrospect.

It just really makes me sad how minor things like this can blow up into a quarrel.

just hope they have a great time the next 2 days; they are going on a small trip out of country to relax. I think they deserve it; both my mum and dad have really been caught up with their work the past few months.

-

time to get down to work, gotta sort out some rehearsal schedules and formulate a lesson plan for my classes for the upcoming week.

till then, then.

The 'Mr' Title

The last time i said it's been ages since i blogged here, was last september, 2 posts down.

A new year has since arrived, and I have finished my tenure in serving the nation.

While many of my friends have taken on internships in hope of getting a headstart to the rat race into university, or taken on 9-5 jobs in all forms; waitering, administrative, data entry, i embarked in greater intensity on a job that i have actually been doing for quite awhile.

Teaching.

The sudden influx of some many students placed respectively under my care for specific subjects/areas are indeed overwhelming at times.

If i were to place a rough estimate of how many students I am now responsible for, a little over 60 would be a good estimate.

And with that comes with so many teaching pedagogies that i am suddenly being exposed to. (Not that i am complaining, i have an incredible boss and workmates that share alot of methods in teaching different students and subjects) Coupled with methods that i am quickly learning along the way, my learning curve has never been greater.

There are so many intricacies in dealing with students of all ages, of classroom management, from dealing with the rowdy ones to those who absolutely clam up throughout the lesson.

I now work most weekday nights and a pretty huge chunk of my weekends, since that's when most of my students are free from the backbreaking load of school. Reaching home mostly after 11, bleary-eyed and exhausted from hours of lessons, the resolve sometime wavers.

The amount of work is tremendous. Unlike a 9-5 admin job, where work is typically confined to the office, i usually arrive hours before my actual lesson timings to work out lesson plans and mark their work, likewise for my private students (i prepare their stuff at home). My peers often tell me i have it good; hourly rates of teaching are comparatively very lucrative and financially rewarding. I used to believe it, but now i truly understand the refrain my teachers have told me from time to time; we earn peanuts. Teachers do earn peanuts, for the amount of work they do.

Nevertheless, teaching is ultimately rewarding. The satisfaction from seeing your students grasp a concept, breaking through the wall of a struggling student in understanding a subject, of watching your student grow in the process; it absolutely sweeps away all prior thoughts of the monetary worth (lack of) in teaching.

Just a couple of days ago, i have had a student coming up to me after class asking me questions regarding his homework that his school had set him. After explaining the concepts behind each question, he said thank you and left. While it may not seem much, the words of gratitude he said, as well as watching how comprehension dawned upon him as i explained the question is so immensely satisfying.

The idea of being given the opportunity to empower and positively impact somebody is truly, amazingly fulfilling and exhilarating.

Every lesson is a new challenge, a challenge that I am undertaking more times my fingers on my hands can count in a week, and I truly love every second of it.

I may not end up teaching full time in the future, but I can honestly say that it is definitely a defining moment of my life.

This past few weeks, I have also came to realise a problem that many students face today. Many students are sent for tuition by their parents, few of their own accord. Some might understand the need for it, but some may not.

And then you have students in academically weaker streams. Teaching some of them, i realise that alot of them are definitely in no way lacking in terms of mental ability and thinking capacity to their peers from academically better streams.

The point is, many of them just may not value the importance of education, of how they can help you in securing a better future, enough to work harder for it. This is not to say of course, that a lack of education condemns you to the dregs of society, education provides you with a better opportunity to succeed in leading a fulfilling life.

There will be the detractors, but one cannot deny that education is beneficial in so many ways.

If one day i were to give up teaching altogether, it will be if i have failed to make even one student come to realise this: that when you're going to school, you're not studying for anybody, you're studying for yourself, and your own future. And if that ever happens, i would have failed as a teacher, cause i believe that that is the most important value that teachers can impart to their students, not the subjects in they teach, but of the value and importance of education.

-

If you're wondering what the photo at the top is, it was a picture taken a couple of years back, in my chemistry class in school (in question, the biggest face in the picture was actually a pose, he wasnt sleeping...). So funny how time flies, one moment i'm sitting there furiously absorbing all i can (most of the time, other times were spent in stupor) from the teacher, the next moment i am the one standing at the whiteboard, hoping to impart something mindblowing that will give my students their As.

grossly overplayed but very poignant lyrics.


I heard
That you're settled down
That you
Found a girl
And your
Married now

I heard
That your dreams came true
I guess she gave you things
I didn't give to you

Oh friend
Why you so shy
Ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it
I hoped you'd see my face and be reminded
That for me
It isn't over

Nevermind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best
For you too
Don't forget me
I beg
I'll remember you still
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead
Yeah

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday
It was the time of our lives
We were born and bred
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise
Of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it
I hoped you'd see my face and be reminded
That for me
It isn't over

Nevermind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best
For you too
Don't forget me
I beg
I'll remember you still
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
And memories made
Who would have known
How bittersweet
This would taste

Nevermind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best
For you too
Don't forget me
I beg
I'll remember you still
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Nevermind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best
For you too
Don't forget me
I beg
I'll remember you still
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Wise up.

been awhile since i blogged. This is a little late, but happy teacher's day!

you know, i never really fully appreciated the hardships and pains my teachers went through in the course of teaching until i started teaching, be it percussion, drumset or just academics.

Teaching is tough, tons of essays to mark, ownership over their improvements. Teaching extends beyond the time you actually teach, from planning lessons (especially important for class based students) to tearing your hair out at the inane grammatical errors or careless mistakes they make when marking their work.

Even in teaching music, you feel the responsibilty to help them improve, trying all sorts of methods that will make them improve.

But the intangible rewards are simply satisfying, the mere improvement of their grades, the enthusiasm they bring to class, the rapt attention they give you, the fierce determination on their faces and their wondrous excitement as they discover the meaning i was trying to impart to them in that particular segment of music, and the sense of accomplishment from watching them grow in the process.

This passion may have faltered in many educators over the years from setbacks and stress, but nevertheless we must be thankful for all their hardwork and dedication to make us who we are today.

-

On a sidenote, just had my wisdom tooth extraction surgery today. My biggest gripe? Eating suddenly become a tremondously tedious process.

and to end off, i made my students from english class write some haikus, here are some pretty interesting ones, basic they may be, but an awesome job at that :)

Mr Ho is here.
Sunday classes has begun
English lessons. Yawnz.



Sunday class was bored
Grammar always kill us all,
I don't want Grammar.
-
(i actually like this one, its grammatical erros are interestingly apt)

and finally, their reaction to this assignment.

Each time i reach class
How I wish that my teacher
Won't be so random.
-
very funny...

"Stand upon the cliffs by my side, take a deep breath and jump. We might not live but we will have the thrill of the fall"

Free Spirits

The picture was taken in Prague by my bro, who is on a 42day backpacking trip around Europe. Envious? Definitely. The idea of wandering into the unknown, albeit armed with a giant book of 'lonely planet' europe, is simply one thing that is commonly exhilarating to both my bro and me. He completed a 21 day asia last year and is doing the double now.

Something i will do? Absolutely. He told me that this trip would probably set him back about SGD5000, i guess i'd better start setting aside a bit of my savings for this now.

I guess the allure of backpacking alone that draws us so much stems from how we were brought up. I wouldnt say i hated how i was brought up, it made me who i am today, but we had quite abit of restrictions in the past. Therefore, the idea of foraying out there really entices us. While many might say that the amount of control that my parents exerted over us might have led us to lose that sense of individuality or actually come to feel sheltered; I feel it has somehow worked the opposite, my brother and I simply jump at the opportunity to leap out into murky waters; it helped us develop as individuals not afraid, yearning instead, to explore this world out there.

Had a very leisurely afternoon today at home, a respite after the constant rushing around for the past 3weeks, in fact, i only woke up just awhile ago, sleep has never been so satisfying as when you're tired. I only discovered this morning that i had been living on 5 hours of sleep for the past 3 weeks, was really running on reserved juice for the past week. I guess that explains the headache i felt after only downing a pint of erdinger yesterday with my friends.

In retrospect, the title for this post seems kind of apt, what being the 7th month in the Chinese Calendar after all (where the Hungry Ghost festival takes place), and a tribute to the free spirits out there, those who yearn to step out from shelter, those who long for that tingling feeling of excitement that comes from the unknown.

On a sidenote, i feel like continuing where i left off for classical piano, it's been awhile.

Moving forward

I don't blog often nowadays. I guess the allure of penning down thoughts onto an online page loses its appeal after awhile as you grow old. But I guess what brings bloggers back to their old dusty blogs to leave a post or whatsoever is those fleeting moments where the allure pushes through the dusty hinges of our memory to remind us of the times we used to blog incessantly about our daily lives (i do admit i was victim to this during my early blogging years.)

I have just hit the big 2 just a few days ago an important milestone i would say, but i'm sure many would beg to differ, seeing how the age of 21 remains the most celebrated among our generation today. While most of my birthdays are marked by the year i had lived through, what with the experiences and such, i would say that it was the day itself on my 20th that made its milestone.

While i didnt exactly skydive or bungee jump that day, (my 2 respective dreams by the way), it was a rather spiritual or emotional one i must say. Don't get me wrong, religious would be the last thing my friends would say of me if asked. When i speak of spirit, i speak of the living entity within our bodies that is us.

A friend once told me that when you hit 20, you start thinking of your life, your career, and your future; it all starts setting into stone, the path you are about to make in your life. To me it represented more, it represented a different view in perspectives, in ideals, in leading life in view of all that hits you when you turn 20. "pah you don't know what you're talking about" my older readers might be thinking now, but i guess, thats what being 20 is, old enough to realise the increasing gravities of life. yet young enough to hopefully posess that childish innocence to pull through this increasingly complicated times.

My life is complicated, i'm sure many of your lives are too, in our own special way, but for that day, my thoughts were crystal clear, and that's what made the difference.

-

To many happy birthdays ahead, to all of you.

Take Flight.

A good rest coming up; 1 week off from work after rushing around doing parades into the weekends for the past 2 weeks. :)

Been reading a book "Against Happiness" Eric G Wilson. It's basically about how we should relish the times we get down instead of always forcing ourselves to be happy and dandy all the time for "it is the blues that make us human". It's not an easy book to digest; sentences leaving me pondering for durations. Take this for example:

"Experience - a sorrowful sense of the tragic nature of the world, a departure from the bliss of innocence"

The thought of it is compelling, and especially chilling at the same time.

Went for supper after rehearsal for an upcoming event involving chorale and orchestra. Awesome company, had alot of very interesting insights about life's paths, work, education in general. One thing really struck me when we were talking about how people say we're too young expose yourself to the harsh realities of the world at certain ages. Just like how most parents would discourage their schooling children who wants to work. And here's what my friend said to that.

"King Tut ruled Eygpt at the age of 14; Alexandra the Great was probably around 19 when he went about on his great conquests, I guess that says alot yeah."

You're just never too young to learn life's lessons yeah.

Listen to your heart

Sorry for the lack of updates guys, things have been so busy lately i havent even have time to finish uploading the photos of my trip to korea online.

With all the parades, rehearsals, preparation for the masterclass, hardly have time for myself or just chilling out with friends.

Speaking of which, the timpani masterclass i had with Mr Paul Philbert was really beneficial. The focus was pretty much on the stylistic and emotional aspect of playing certain pieces. Some of the stuff he said really resonated alot within me.

"As a performer, you perform. and you give it all you've got; and that applies to life as well, you don't just try, cause to try is to fail with dignity, with excuses"

I would say that this masterclass was an extremely fulfilling one at that, unconventional, but rather effective at that. Thank you, Mr Philbert.

With the new batch, my mirror batch, entering my band, I feel kind of old. A year has passed since i entered my individual unit's separate bands; from the name at the bottom of the nominal roll to practically the topmost, a rise in seniority. Many things have happened throughout the course of my service, i have made great friends, learnt important lessons and had great experiences, and the juniors will come to feel the same. Time does seem to fly by so fast especially in retrospect.

2 sets of tuition class later on, have recently taken up a new student, teaching him chemistry. He's remarkably quiet, giving me one word replies every so often (if he even gives me a reply at all) I really look forward to the day he aces his exams :)


As for the video above, that's real music guys, real music.

I know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what it seems,
the feeling of belonging to your dreams.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

And there are voices
that want to be heard.
So much to mention
but you can't find the words.
The scent of magic,
the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

And I'm back from the land where Hyundai and Samsung reigns supreme. Confused? Apparently these two mega firms produce practically every kind of product in Korea, and being really supportive of their own products, practically everything I see is either Hyundai or Samsun. oh and Kia too. (Hyundai makes toothbrushes too if you're wondering why i mentioned 2 car brand names)

Have been micro jotting down thoughts and notes, and diligently taking photos as I go from place to place in Korea, so I shall attempt to compile them into an entry soon.

till then, the crazy unpacking starts. (and getting myself connected back into the hectic Singaporean lifestyle )

Land of the morning calm

한국 here i come :)

hahahah :]

Captivity

"Kathy looked me right in the eye. Then she took a breath, and never took another one. She sank to the bottom of the tank. Every breath a dolphin takes is a conscious effort, so they can decide not to take the next breath. That's what I mean by suicide"
- Ric O'Barry, a dolphin trainer turned dolphin activist, on the death of one of the dolphins he trained

I was reading an article on the papers about the plight of dolphins in captive as well as the terrible ways they are captured.

The idea of being snatched from your natural surroundings and forced to live in an unnatural place where conditions are much lesser than your prior state, often to the border of cruelty, is unbearable.

The article details how dolphins are captured; hordes driven into an inlet from the sea, healthy ones taken captive while the unlucky ones get clubbed to death. It also talks about lives of the captive dolphins, placed into concrete 'jails' to circle around the same enclosure, pandering to the screams of its audience. Most of dolphins in captivity live much shorter lives than their lucky counterparts out there in the ocean, many of which suffer from painful ulcers and even insanity from the extreme stress brought about by captivity.

I read a quote sometime back: "Humans are an extraordinary species, they are the only species who can experience empathy, so much so that such can even be felt for non-living objects."

The feeling that you often get when you see someone, or even animals, in plight, is a feeling we take for granted, but we don't realise that it's the very ability to do so that makes us human. Not our ability to fight, nor our ability to think of ingenious ways to destroy and annilhilate, but the ability to feel sadness or happiness for another, for us to experience the hurt and pain indirectly from the plight of others.

Connectivity

In the span of the past 2days, I didn't have the use of my handphone, which i had lost, exacerbated by how i was doing duty at camp as well, so i did not have any means to obtain substitute line as a replacement.

That 2days alone taught me alot.

For the initial hours upon losing my phone, i felt strangely distraught, as if i had been disconnected from world. It felt almost like a crime to be uncontactable by a by now, almost taken for granted mean.

The aftermath of which, other than an occasional hiccup of issues arising from being uncontactable, things actually felt good. I stopped having to reach into my pocket to check for my phone from time to time (there was nothing there in the first place). As my friend and I was driving out for lunch today, he remarked how the atmosphere in the car felt so peaceful: few had his number (he deferred for studies a year back and only came back recently to complete his service), while i lost my phone. Basically, we were unplugged for that duration of lunch we had outside camp. True that was. I felt, interestingly, carefree.

I read an article once about the advent of the likes of Blackberries and Iphones, leading to how society is becoming more pressured to ensure that it's individuals are perpetually contactable 24/7, and how it binds us and makes us dependent on this connectivity.

From this experience, i realised how dependent on my phone i was, the need to be connected has indeed been ingrained into my consciousness so much that i can feel a part of me missing with the loss of such a material object.

I guess it was good that such a mishap (?) happened, i came to realise and learnt several lessons which would not have occured if not for this.

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking 'round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that their goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy
Maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

I keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

Journey de la nostalgie

On a particularly futile trip to and fro from my camp to the other camp on the other side of the island, the combination of the drowsy afternoon and the cold air bellowing from the airconditioning vents on the van, my thoughts somehow drifted to memories. Memories of digging through my bag for lecture notes at the lecture hall in junior college, of the sleepless night in japan I had before my concerto the next day, cutting english class halfway in secondary school by "going out to the locker to get stuff", my first big fight i had with a good friend from primary school (we made up, like how fights when we were young turn out).

It felt really satisfying, letting these experiences relieve themselves inside my mind.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." -unknown

and this, is how music unites.

Perceptions and expectations

Just came back from a run at a park near my house. It felt good, putting me into a state of pensiveness and all.

Borrowed my brother's bike to cycle to the park; i must say that the gentle slopes make cycling there absolutely fantastic. Freewheeling down the whole stretch of road, with the wind brushing against my face and body, felt amazing. The element of risk, abandon, unrestraint and of course, speed, just makes it so exhilarating.

Developed a stitch halfway through my 4km run and decided to stop and head to the exercise corner. It was painful (i think i drank too much water at home), nevertheless, the pounding of the feet against the asphalt road surrounding the lake for the first half of my run provided a backbeat for me to mull over issues ongoing in my head.

After a couple of routine exercises, I finished off my last set of sit ups, lying upon the tilted sit up ramps, staring upwards into the night sky.

It felt great.

-

I guess at some point of our lives we face many woes and issues. We face the judgemental onslaught of perceptions and expectations from everywhere around us, and more importantly from within ourselves.

Of the woes of every up and coming men and women into the society, woes brooded by many upon the onset of their twentieth birthday (or more), i guess it just came a little earlier for me.

-

Nevertheless.

today is a good night.

sealed by a ring
a ring of commitment,
a ring of love,

binding

she sits by the glass bowl
of fishes circling
round and round
and a heavy tapestry
that drapes,
surrounds,
and shrouds.

wondering

fences

i hate it when my parents quarrel.

Marketplace lessons

It's been awhile since i stepped into the market, what with busy schedules galore. Went to the market opposite my place to get some vegetables and condiments for the meat i've been wanting to season for quite awhile.

Maybe it's a weekend, as there suddenly seems to be an increase in the size of the male population there: be it toddler totting or tram pushing dads while the mums haggle over the prices of the vegetables, or (shock!) them alone choosing a slab of meat from the meat stall. But definitely, i guess it's a big step from the female dominated arena; a mishmash of gossip, shopping and socialising in this market (oh yes, and squeezing and pushing)

That saying, was choosing from a pile of onion bundles, and you know, you can never seem to get the best onions all in a bundle. Where there are good ones, there will always be the lousy anaemic ones.

I guess it's like life isnt it. It all comes in a set. Whatever decisions you make, there will always be the downsides to the upsides that you'll be getting. No you wont be able to take the bundle of onions back and request for a change, same for life. You just got to live with the decisions you make.

Weird as this analogy may seem, i found this trip to be particularly pensive and therapeutic indeed.

-

Alright, have a lower sec science class at noon to prepare for, so till then.

He came in walking on crutches. A young boy, thirteen at most, an amputee. His rounded face reflected minute crinkles and creases, a stain of spent emotions beyond his age and frame.

"Uncle, a plate of chicken rice, please."

His soft voice broke my train of thoughts.

I busied myself preparing the rice. What exactly happened to this boy, at so tender an age?

It was of course not uncommon to see people in crutches, or even wheelchairs, it was a hospital canteen afterall, the nonbedridden patients definitely preferred the food here over the gruel served in their wards.

"$2.80, boy, thank you"

Propping his trembling arms on his crutches, he slowly reached into his pocket for change. Then it happened.

His arms gave way, his body weight too much for his thin arms to bear. And he fell, crashing onto the floor.

My heart lurched, I wanted to run forward to help him up, but the design of the stall made it impossible for the vendors to move beyond their counter
As quickly as he fell, he hastily struggled to get up. It was no easy feat. Tears welled up in his eyes as he mumbled,

"It's okay, Daddy said I must do it myself. I don't need help. I don't need help."

Tears rolled down those round cheeks, in pain and in frustration.

His soft voice had taken on a rough, unnatural edge. It was the sound of a person who had fought many battles of hardship; a voice, from this tiny frame before me.

"Uncle, sorry... keeping you waiting, I... there, $2.80"

As he choked out those words, I caught his gaze.

They say that the eyes were the bridge to the soul. In his eyes, I saw sorrow and hurt, sadness and despair, loss. It showed me the anguish, the pain, the suffering and the toll it had taken on this young boy; a mere vestige of the life he was supposed to live.

The simple joys of tasting a sweet, the innocent pleasure of running free.

Unknown experiences.

As he limped away carrying his rice, I muttered a small prayer for the boy


-

A small stroke of inspiration on the train on the way to meet my brother and his friends for badminton the other day. I think i look like a right moron scribbling on my notebook then.

Tangerines and Kebabs

it's been awhile since i last blogged.

Life's been pretty much the same, save for a few rollercoaster rides up and down the rails of life.

A fortnights' worth of frantic last minute studying drew to a close yesterday morning after taking my SATs, hope i do get a good grade.

What followed was some great food and great company, ramen at ippudo at mandarin gallery, thor at cineleisure, a trip to cat socrates in the evening at bugis to chill, followed by moroccan cuisine sitting alfresco along muscat st.

The listing? Sometimes i just love the life i have, just hanging out with a small group of people, talking about everything under the sun, enjoying good food and just soaking in the vibe around us.

I saw this mail yesterday by a secondary classmate of mine, havent kept in contact with the majority of my graduating secondary class for a couple of years already. What was in the mail was simply an attempt to collate contacts of everybody in that class: including the universities everyone is studying in now and such, also to suggest a possible gathering via a small barbeque.

which really made me ponder, how we all tend to be so caught up in our lives, sometimes ending up neglecting the people who had at some point of our lives, crossed our paths and made a difference; not that we mean to, but we're just too busy.

For that, i really appreciate the efforts of those, far and few, who actually make an effort to organise such gatherings, and also those who reciprocate by trying their best to make the time for the people who we once saw so often, nearly almost everyday at some point of our lives.

as a close friend of mine said,

"it all boils down to each individual - whether they bother or not"

and on a sidenote, happy mother's day ♥

-

Someone once asked me "i wonder where all the money you saved went to"

my answer to that?

the joy of your own son/grandson treating you and your family to a meal, is all the answer i need.

i love you, Ma

With an upcoming project, life's starting to get crazily hectic all over again. work in the day and rehearsals at night. By work i mean, shuttling to other camps doing countless corp of drums, and numerous inane parade rehearsals.Waking up at 6 in the morning, finish work at 530 and rushing for rehearsal at 7, which ends at 1030. Repeat cycle the next morning.

Had some how managed to secure 2 off days from work today and tomorrow due to the need for some TLC for myself, making for a long week end this week.

Slept in today, made myself some breakfast, fiddled around with the piano, read up abit on SATs; nothing beats some alone time for bodily recuperation. Hope to swim later in the afternoon, if the rain stops. And then off to rehearsal at night :)

Only downside is the irritating construction going on below my block, no idea why i seem to having construction going on all year round.

Transcribing Collin Raye's "Love me" onto piano now. Love that song. :)