On My Own.

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I deleted both posts.

This blog is really not for rants. but in my anger i forgot.

Irresponsibilty

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It's A Quiet Night

Merry Christmas everybody

Back Here

went out with my parents yesterday noon to my granddad's

He's getting on quite poorly these days, Alzheimer's taking a toll on him. Brought him out for lunch and sat down talking with him, while Mum busied herself in their kitchen, and Dad, forever silent, sat aside reading his papers.

We sat there talking, him asking me the same questions about my life, my brother, where i was, and where he was, over and over again.

then he turned to my Mum suddenly, asking

"when are your sons arriving?"

The pain that the families suffer in light of a single disease is unimaginable, but we all take it in our stride, just for the single happiness of the patient.

For his smile at finding out about his grandchild's life, even for the single minute before he forgets, i'll gladly answer the same questions again and again.

~

Went to my Granduncle's house next, my Uncle just came back from New Zealand with his wife and year old daughter, my baby cousin :)

It always marvels me how mature grown ups revert to their googoogagas upon seeing a single baby.

That saying, she's disgustingly cute :) Spent a whole hour just letting her play with my fingers.

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It seems highly poignant, a beautiful the cycle of life is.

With the old brings the new, and it just goes on, my uncles and aunts, and my parents will soon grow old, and my cousins, grown up. And newer generations will grow and take our places, of us running around the playground when we were young.

I guess that's life ain it.

-

It was a tiring day, emotionally.

and It's a lazy Sunday today, an afternoon to rest before rehearsal at night.

Hello Stranger

hello stranger,

stranger of old,
i knew you long,
long before we met

i seen you on the bus
on the way to school
it's never been a hi
nor has it been a bye

i saw you on the train
a carriage of coincidence
2 years down
and still the same

never been a hi
nor has it been a bye

hello stranger,

our pathes aligned,
all this while
but never do they cross
and never will be

(?)

to the people whom we know, yet not know, in our lives

Is there really a future?

Fog

While the haze is really getting on my nerves, i must say, walking home from the interchange at night, the hazy night skies has a certain musky appeal to it, sombre, yet reflective. Exuding a certain kinda of peace and tranquility to it. Just like how the Manhattan suburbans has that dinghy yet rustic feel to it.

And, i'm happy.

Clipped

I don't understand why my parents behave certain ways at times. I do know it all stems from their concern for me, but really.

Mum, Dad, I'm not drifting away, neither am I hanging out with the wrong crowd, neither do i not know what is home anymore.

I love you all more than ever. I try to make sure our family dinners, just us four, when bro comes back from hall on weekends remains at least a weekly affair. I don't lock myself away in the room whenever i get the chance, I want to talk to you all more than ever, cause you're family.

I love my friends and I truly believe in my own judgements and my limits. I just want you all to trust me.

And i love home truly. when i was overseas with the orchestra 2 years ago during my birthday, did you know how much i yearned for home? did you know the simple msg you all and brother sent to me meant so much to me, sitting by the window of my room, staring out into the night sky?

I love you all, but the things that happen really tear me up from inside, cause i can never resent you all despite the immense frustration i feel.

~

Someone whom i only just begun to talk to recently, said something to me today which i felt really made alot of sense:

Sometimes, we don't need to judge, neither do we need to care what they judge of you. Just live, and let it be.

Thorns

Must we start quarelling ourselves once our elders have passed on.

Do we all not feel ashamed of ourselves, when the memories of their lives still remain vivid in our senses?

Must what we call family, crumble to bits over little matters like this?

Why.

Dissent

Sep 29, 2010

GOVT'S RESPONSE TO CENSORSHIP REVIEW COMMITTEES' PROPOSALS

Dialect content restrictions stay

By Lai Han-Wei

RESTRICTIONS on dialect content will stay as lifting them would undermine the Government's efforts to promote Mandarin.

The Ministry of Information, Communications and the Arts (Mica) on Wednesday explained that the dialect policy was premised on the need to promote a common mother tongue among the Singaporean Chinese community.

'Allowing full dialect content on all mediums would undermine our ongoing efforts to promote Mandarin,' said a Mica statement, in responce to recommendations by the Censorship Review Committee.

The panel has proposed that restrictions on dialect content be lifted entirely unless there is 'compelling evidence to support their continuation.'

Mica, however, said it recognised the needs of the elderly and has made dialect content available through several avenues, such as videos, free-to-air TV, radio and pay TV channels.

'We have taken a flexible and contextual approach in allowing dialect on both local and imported films,' Mica said, adding that there was no restriction on dialect films for film festivals.

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Seriously? While efforts should be made not to undermine the attempts to promote Mandarin as a foreign language, should it be at a cost of stifling attempts that play a part in keeping the rich and diverse dialects alive? One important aspect of our diverse culture in the Chinese aspect is of our multitude of dialects. They serve not only as simply alternate modes of communication, but as potential channels to bridge gaps between the elder and young.

"Mica, however, said it recognised the needs of the elderly and has made dialect content available through several avenues, such as videos, free-to-air TV, radio and pay TV channels."

Is dialect really there just to cater to the needs of the elderly?

Will we come to a day where the word dialect ceases to exist in the minds of us Singaporeans.

We speak of keeping languages alive with the multitudes of Chinese promoting campaigns, but what of our age old dialects, the voice of the '60s, a heritage in its own right?

Back to Jive

Wow, it's been long since i posted anything

I guess the month's been kind of crazy, concerts, parades and all.

Speaking of which, I have one coming up this sunday which I'm really excited for cause it's gonna be the first time i'm doing the quad toms.

And this video has really inspired me to start working on jazz vibes. A lot.

Really puts my mood back into practicing again. Was really disillusioned the past few days after overstraining my wrist.

~

public? or not?

hm.

It's been a tiring 2 weeks of late.

From parades to preparing for concerts, everyday is just such a blur.

And it's so interesting how everytime i tell myself, I will have more time to rest the next week, and i find myself steeped with things to do the once the new week begins.

That saying, I'm nervous for the concert this sunday. I'm not done preparing my piece yet. Must bring it up to standard asap.

2 more tiring days before a break on saturday.

Oh Glorious Steak.

mine.


my mum's.

Oh dinner was very good indeed.

Never fails to amaze me how I can enjoy, guiltlessly, such artery choking, cholestrol inducing fare. I cant help it, I love them meat just too much. :)

Read a post by a friend that i really wanted to share. Let the post speak for itself:

The coffee bean and tea leaf is a wonderful place.

There’s coffee drinks that I take hours to finish, as voracious a drinker as I am, and I can stay here as long as I want without getting chased off to make way for other customers.

It’s an interesting concept, this coffee house business. It appeals to a different type of consumer; people don’t actually come here for the drinks per se, but instead for the atmosphere, for the air of sophistication and chill more so than the food and beverages.

The vintage couches, woody-panelled tables and jazz music wafting through speakers I just can’t seem to find anywhere in the room, each of these aspects subtlety yet significant contributes to the irresistibility of the place. And it’s smart, how they refuse to divulge their suppliers of furniture (on the website) so competition can’t get close.

How many of us really know this “coffee” anyway? Most people (embarrassingly myself as well) can’t even tell the difference between a mocha and a latte, and yet we still buy and consume, enraptured by the prospect of drinking “premium” wares from Darjeeling and Tanzania and all manner of places we never knew existed.

But let’s face it, it’s satisfying; very, very satisfying. The sale of a lifestyle, the world of ideas and brainwash that wraps tightly around the tangible product we receive, works. This is true non-price competition, handing you a cup of coffee with a background so rich that it seems as though you’re drinking life itself.

I am a victim of this unique marketing ploy, a nameless Asian statistic in an MNC’s multimillion-dollar account book. But perhaps sometime in the near future, I’ll sell a lifestyle too. But for now, I’ll try to get the Cambridge examiner fogies to buy my reasonings instead.

- Kowlife

Yes I do commonly read people's blogs and all, some even complete strangers. But there is definitely something in their posts that draws me back frequently to read. A similar chord, a shared experience, just that something in the writing that truly appeals.

Awesome post, kow (you wont see this, but yeah)

I Dreamed A Dream

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

While It Lasted

Was on board 151 on a long journey back home from nus.so concert. As it passed went along bukit timah road, many memories came flooding back.

Remembered how I used to take this bus to ccab from school every thursday for rehearsal at night. Staying back in school to finish up the random assignments before heading to rehearsal. Sacrificing dinner time to time just so i could have that extra minutes to tune the timpanis when no one has reached yet for i wasnt really experienced enough then. And going back home late at night after that, cramming on the mrt for a test the next day every now and then. Weary, but happy just simply being at the rehearsal. The fervour to perform well, the thirst for more experience. The need to play music, above all.

-

And the concert today marks the end of my constant travelling to clementi from home/camp (insanely far) twice weekly for the past 3 weeks. Playing there was an experience which I kind of have mixed feelings for. Witnessing how they worked together in all aspects, right down to people in the orchestra coming together to shift the instruments from the rehearsal venue to the concert venue, their excitement at the concert, the raw process of music making, the sense of being part of a group with a common motivation and goal. Something that i have not felt since my SYF in junior college, the sense of a shared experience and camaraderie. Playing in different places after that, it all became a process of playing the piece of music at hand, where joy really could possibly come from, if present at all in the first place, in playing that piece. Is that really the result of maturing as a player, to lose sight of everything except of the finer elements of the piece, everything boiling down to individual performance?

For the moment I felt it all with them. The excitement and joy reminiscent of then. Sadly I do not belong. And so it ends.

I'm back from duty at camp. Yes it's duty on hari raya puasa. Which is a public holiday. Where practically the rest of the world is at home :(

But something happened yesterday night that made me so happy and all warm inside.
My dad called and was actually harbouring thoughts of buying me prawn mee from longhouse and asking me to sneak out of camp to get it from him at the guardhouse.

Seriously love my parents. :)

It's going to be another busy week ahead.

Concert and parades here i come! :)

Interpretations

It really irks me when I get faced with 2 absolutely contradicting dilemmas. A soloist who refuses to take note of her accompaniments and a conductor who doesnt function as a gel between the soloist and the rest of the ensemble.

On one hand, i get dissed by the soloists for keeping strict tempi instead of pandering to their highly erratic sense of pulse and structure, On the other, i get dissed by the conductor for not having a steady pulse which obviously i cannot if i were to switch tempos according to the soloists whim, or, inability to play up to speed.

Seriously disgusting.

The Little Things In Life

Was at the busstop going home from gym when i overheard a group of teenage girls complaining about their life.

I guess at some point of our lives. we all have complained about how our lifes suck, and start recalling all those negative things that have happened. But honestly, we don't we all pause for a moment, and start thinking of those little things that have happened in our life that we take for granted?

I sometimes feel how my parents have this persistent need to check in on me 24/7, so much so that it becomes irritating, but really, why would they even bother doing it if not for their love for me?

Or how we dwell on certain things our friends did that irk us and decided the friendship might not last? instead, why not think about the company they have provided, and the countless joys and laughter that have been shared together?

And then ask yourself again, what have you done for your friends instead?

I'm happy for the loving family I have, the wonderful friends I known, and even for the acquaintances I have met.

I'm happy for my personal accomplisments, the life I'm leading and where I intend to head.

I'm happy for recognising the many little things in life that provide me with that little spark and warmth in my heart to keep going.

So take a second, chuck those unhappy thoughts constantly dwelling around in our head, and cherish those little bits of happiness that have flew past us unknowingly.

Life really is wonderful, you'll find.

Recuperation

It's been awhile since I had a break from all that hussle and bussle since the past week. Spending the next 2 days at home away from camp to rest.

Going out later to teach in the evening. Havent exactly started planning what to do for the lesson. I guess I'd better start soon..

Shall head to the foodcourt opposite my house for some chow now :)

Food, Glorious Food

I actually had some stuff that i really wanted to pen down after today's concert; which was pretty much a great success, but I just finished this absolutely heavenly bowl of egg udong noodles that all deep and thoughtful thoughts just flew out of my head.

Yes call me superficial, but I really really love food :)

The beautiful textures, the exquisite tastes, the distinguishing aromas. Thats food.

Now, allow me to soak in the luxurious aftermath of that completely satisfying bowl of instant noodles (By instant noodles standards, they are real good fyi.)

Daniel's recipe:

• Boil water. (Cook the noodles and the soup separately, this is to get rid of the wax from the noodles)
  

• After the noodles are cooked, garnish with sesame oil and parsley. (Oil is for the texture and the aroma, really, i have a soft spot for sesame oil, garlic oil and oil from fried shallots)

• Toss noodles in air to 'let the steam out' (By toss i mean using chopsticks to lift the noodles up, 'let the steam out' is self explanatory once you've done the former instruction)

• Crack 2 eggs and boil water for the soup ( That's to save time, it's instant noodles after all.. Break the yolks and whisk it around abit, not too much though, we don't want the yolk mixing too much with the white)

• Use a little of the egg white in tossing the noodles. (It's for the texture, trust me, it's real quaint)

• Place the bowl of noodles in the freezer ( It's really a shortcut method of tossing the noodles in 'cold air' to enhance the springiness of the noodles )

Once the water for the soup has come to boil, the following steps must be followed in quick succession:

• Put the soup base in
• Pour the egg mix in
• Turn off the gas
• Pour the soup onto the noodles (Oh please take them out from the freezer already, should already have been inside for about 5minutes)

• (why? boiling the soup base destroys some of the original flavour. Turning off the gas immediately after the egg mix is in is to prevent the eggmix from being too cooked. Pouring the soup onto the noodles quickly is to prevent the egg from sticking onto the pot)

There. It's abit elaborate but hey, it's the end result thats so awesome yea? :)

Cobblestones

I was walking out of the mazes of private estates after teaching at my alma mater this morning. It had some sort of nostalgic feel to it, as I walked passed rows of bungalows. It was unfamiliar, yet familiar in some sense, a distant memory from what felt like so long ago.

I decided to lunch at the small coffee shop near the busstops, tucking into a plate of chicken rice, unchanged since the last time ate it, when I was still donning my secondary school uniform of white and silver buttons. seven silver buttons. It was a quaint little coffeeshop, unchanged, untainted perhaps.

I would still remember the Saturdays where my section would head there for lunch before popping into the 7-11 beside for a slurpee, and dashing back into school to make it for afternoon rehearsals. we always made it.

As I tucked into my food at the coffeshop, savouring every bite ( i had time to kill before rehearsal at bukit timah ), many of my secondary school days memories flooded back, so real and vivid as if it was only yesterday.

Things was so much simpler then, and so much less hectic.


-

Tomorrow's another busy day, I ought to be sleeping soon. Good night.

You can move the world

Thought this was pretty apt for those in school at this point of the year. yes, the crazy olevels looming ahead, and obviously the insane rush towards the alevels.

Maybe the content hasnt really got much to do with the exams and all, but this video was one of those that somehow motivated me in my journey not too long ago in junior college - to change the world, to change my world - to get out from that persistent laziness to really sit down and grind through the papers, which I finally did.

That saying, I wonder how did my student fair for his prelims. Hope he does well and do his parents proud. Me too, of course :)

-

(On a sidenote, make this video fullscreen and press and hold the left arrowkey. Youtube Snake!! It works for other videos on Youtube too! A friend told me about it this afternoon!)

:)

Inspiration

just finished rehearsing for the upcoming concert coming monday at nafa about an hour ago just now, and waiting for the elevator down, we saw one of the students (my friend's classmate) in it, going the opposite way, up.

she was working on a piece of her own, a choral piece with the accompliment of a gamelan. Her shoulder were slumped in exhaustion and her hair dishevelled and unkempt. but in her eyes, i could just feel this thing burning through, a certain fervour that would never extinguish in the strongest of winds.

i admire these people, these people who dare to trod the path of uncertainty, of no promise of return, not because there's no other route to turn to, but through the sheer strength of passion.

i honestly felt put to shame in comparison to them. and inspired at the same time.

Here's to the resolution, the determination, and the pure unbridled passion within them all.

Fly Baby, Fly

teehee :) ignore the fantastic english title of the video though.

Work Life

(ignore the words on the planner, it's just some picture from online i took and fiddled with)

was going to meet up with a friend today, which was rescheduled till thur cause her schedule was pretty packed..

which i had to reschedule later on at night cause i just agreed to attend sectionals for the upcoming monday concert this thurs.. prolly am gonng meet her pretty much later next month or something cause she's flying off to india for business.

-

nevertheless, this event really led me to think, how much am i willing to sacrifice my work life for my social life, or if it would be better to rephrase it, my social life for my work life? i honestly know that friends and family mean the world to me, but i somehow usually let my work fill up all my time, so much so that i seem to have no time for those dear to me.

-

to my friends and family, though this blog is for my eyes only as far as i know, i swear i will try my very best to squeeze out whatever time i have to spend with you guys, cause you are the people that keep me going through this madness we call life.

:)

-

in other news, i'm really, very, very motivated to practice very hard once more. thank you mr lim, for your words you shared with just a simple lunch

Family

Bro came back from his foray into the 'big bad world' of 21 days to cambodia thailand and vietnam.

and he bought lots of stuffs :)

spent 1 and half hour at dinner in conversation. a nice family dinner. (prolly partially also due to the food taking so long to be served)

miss these rare family bonding times.

he's starting school come wednesday, and i'd prolly get busier and busier as the year draws to an end.

nevertheless, these moments, i live for and nothing in the world would make me miss out on them.

it's a cold night, yet, call me cheesy, but i feel warm inside.

-

anyhow, have a safe trip, you.