Was on board 151 on a long journey back home from nus.so concert. As it passed went along bukit timah road, many memories came flooding back.
Remembered how I used to take this bus to ccab from school every thursday for rehearsal at night. Staying back in school to finish up the random assignments before heading to rehearsal. Sacrificing dinner time to time just so i could have that extra minutes to tune the timpanis when no one has reached yet for i wasnt really experienced enough then. And going back home late at night after that, cramming on the mrt for a test the next day every now and then. Weary, but happy just simply being at the rehearsal. The fervour to perform well, the thirst for more experience. The need to play music, above all.
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And the concert today marks the end of my constant travelling to clementi from home/camp (insanely far) twice weekly for the past 3 weeks. Playing there was an experience which I kind of have mixed feelings for. Witnessing how they worked together in all aspects, right down to people in the orchestra coming together to shift the instruments from the rehearsal venue to the concert venue, their excitement at the concert, the raw process of music making, the sense of being part of a group with a common motivation and goal. Something that i have not felt since my SYF in junior college, the sense of a shared experience and camaraderie. Playing in different places after that, it all became a process of playing the piece of music at hand, where joy really could possibly come from, if present at all in the first place, in playing that piece. Is that really the result of maturing as a player, to lose sight of everything except of the finer elements of the piece, everything boiling down to individual performance?
For the moment I felt it all with them. The excitement and joy reminiscent of then. Sadly I do not belong. And so it ends.
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