Of meta-cognitions and poppihollas

(photo credits to the awesome photographer who took this shot)

Its been awhile since I last blogged. Havent really had the time to sit down and write a complete full length post. 

Just got out of another cyclical mood episode today. I tend to vacillate between high and low moods in random cycles, but most people don't really witness them, save for the closest people in my life. 

I was sitting at the food court having a plate of fish and chips just now, and I decided to take some time to just sit there and watch the tv at the food court. Now, this is really quite something because the last time I watched tv was probably a couple of years ago. Yes, the sitting down in front of the sofa and flipping between channel isn't really my kind of thing. The interesting bit is that the advertisements suddenly feel so packed with semiotics. There was an advert of the Brands' Essence of Chicken that depicts a man full of energy at work and off work, showing how Brands' Chicken Essence effectively banished the man's counterpart (tired and exhausted). There's this idea of dispelling the importance of downtime, which really is what society's all about today. Complete effectiveness, no moment lost, 24/7 on the ball. 

While I constantly strive to be as efficient as possible, I don't believe in being 24/7 efficient. Studies have already shown that downtime is extremely important for us. Downtime gives us the moment for quiet contemplation and appreciation for the things that have happened in life. Downtime gives our brain cognitive relief from the fast paced society that pushes us to our limits everyday. Blogging is my downtime. Walking over to the food court for a meal is my downtime. Strolling down the aisle of NTUC searching for nuts and oats is my downtime (yes, i have my moments of weirdness).

Now this gets a little weird in terms of phrasing but here goes. Thinking of these thoughts (yes, metacognition here), I really start to appreciate the value of my course of study in illuminating my life with a much in depth perspective. If I had chosen to study something else, I might not have been able to put those thoughts of watching the advertisements into words because I simply might not have the words for them. You know when you're young and you just felt weird about something but do not have the words to describe it; there are words now. 

Am suddenly extremely glad that I have made psychology and communications my course of study for the next few years. Hurray to introspection and analysis :)

Till then, then. 

PS: yes, i really am some kind of a nerd. But I don't see anything wrong with embracing knowledge. 

Self?

It has been awhile since I last penned down my thoughts. A lot of stuff has been overwhelming me since school started; I guess that left with me little time to really sit down and blog away. 

I've been recently reintroduced to introspect, something that I left behind amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life. I must say that rediscovering myself year after year (yes the mind is a quirky being, constantly changing in its decisions) have led me to have a more complete understanding of myself. 

I am a social creature, and I get tremendously upset when many things don't go well in social settings. It has almost become that I often tread carefully in social circumstances such that I try my best to make everybody happy in that social set, treading carefully to include everybody in a conversation, to diffuse potential tensions and to sustain material of interest in otherwise awkward situations. That has somehow set the stage for the underlying self-consciousness within me; constantly concerned of people's view of me, of how my actions may affect perceptions in different social contexts.

That being said, I also vacillate toward the other extreme. This side of me, few people do see. This is where I despise (maybe thats too strong a word) company, preferring to indulge in being alone and being left alone, for that matter. Increasingly, this side has been emerging as a pretty dominant aspect as I feel increasingly alienated from many things that are happening in my life right now. This just sometimes make me wonder, is it anything wrong, or is it just part of growing up?

That brings me to the point of this monologue on a space that has accompanied me through so many manifestations of myself. From teenage cheerful innocence, to the angst, and to the pre-college discoveries and aches, and to the insecurities of work and the satisfaction of teaching, and now onward to this.

Loneliness. Is this a simple and profound truth that speaks of us all, a unique paradox set against the backdrop of social creatures like us?

This notion stings of isolation, it stings of the realisation in the harsh superficiality of social interactions, it stings of the turbulent thoughts of the grand purpose of life.  

There are times where I don't want to be part of this. I want to immerse myself in a blanket of social interactions, superficial or not; to believe that I am happy. 

I don't know how this convoluted thoughts will make any sense when I read them again in the future, but it was just something that made me want to note them down. 

This is a poem by e.e.cummings that I was introduced to in secondary school. Somehow, amidst the naive happiness and turbulent angst of the teenage mind, this poem struck a chord with me till today.

l(a

l(a

le

af

fa

ll

s)

one

l

iness

-e.e.cummings

The 'Mr' Title

The last time i said it's been ages since i blogged here, was last september, 2 posts down.

A new year has since arrived, and I have finished my tenure in serving the nation.

While many of my friends have taken on internships in hope of getting a headstart to the rat race into university, or taken on 9-5 jobs in all forms; waitering, administrative, data entry, i embarked in greater intensity on a job that i have actually been doing for quite awhile.

Teaching.

The sudden influx of some many students placed respectively under my care for specific subjects/areas are indeed overwhelming at times.

If i were to place a rough estimate of how many students I am now responsible for, a little over 60 would be a good estimate.

And with that comes with so many teaching pedagogies that i am suddenly being exposed to. (Not that i am complaining, i have an incredible boss and workmates that share alot of methods in teaching different students and subjects) Coupled with methods that i am quickly learning along the way, my learning curve has never been greater.

There are so many intricacies in dealing with students of all ages, of classroom management, from dealing with the rowdy ones to those who absolutely clam up throughout the lesson.

I now work most weekday nights and a pretty huge chunk of my weekends, since that's when most of my students are free from the backbreaking load of school. Reaching home mostly after 11, bleary-eyed and exhausted from hours of lessons, the resolve sometime wavers.

The amount of work is tremendous. Unlike a 9-5 admin job, where work is typically confined to the office, i usually arrive hours before my actual lesson timings to work out lesson plans and mark their work, likewise for my private students (i prepare their stuff at home). My peers often tell me i have it good; hourly rates of teaching are comparatively very lucrative and financially rewarding. I used to believe it, but now i truly understand the refrain my teachers have told me from time to time; we earn peanuts. Teachers do earn peanuts, for the amount of work they do.

Nevertheless, teaching is ultimately rewarding. The satisfaction from seeing your students grasp a concept, breaking through the wall of a struggling student in understanding a subject, of watching your student grow in the process; it absolutely sweeps away all prior thoughts of the monetary worth (lack of) in teaching.

Just a couple of days ago, i have had a student coming up to me after class asking me questions regarding his homework that his school had set him. After explaining the concepts behind each question, he said thank you and left. While it may not seem much, the words of gratitude he said, as well as watching how comprehension dawned upon him as i explained the question is so immensely satisfying.

The idea of being given the opportunity to empower and positively impact somebody is truly, amazingly fulfilling and exhilarating.

Every lesson is a new challenge, a challenge that I am undertaking more times my fingers on my hands can count in a week, and I truly love every second of it.

I may not end up teaching full time in the future, but I can honestly say that it is definitely a defining moment of my life.

This past few weeks, I have also came to realise a problem that many students face today. Many students are sent for tuition by their parents, few of their own accord. Some might understand the need for it, but some may not.

And then you have students in academically weaker streams. Teaching some of them, i realise that alot of them are definitely in no way lacking in terms of mental ability and thinking capacity to their peers from academically better streams.

The point is, many of them just may not value the importance of education, of how they can help you in securing a better future, enough to work harder for it. This is not to say of course, that a lack of education condemns you to the dregs of society, education provides you with a better opportunity to succeed in leading a fulfilling life.

There will be the detractors, but one cannot deny that education is beneficial in so many ways.

If one day i were to give up teaching altogether, it will be if i have failed to make even one student come to realise this: that when you're going to school, you're not studying for anybody, you're studying for yourself, and your own future. And if that ever happens, i would have failed as a teacher, cause i believe that that is the most important value that teachers can impart to their students, not the subjects in they teach, but of the value and importance of education.

-

If you're wondering what the photo at the top is, it was a picture taken a couple of years back, in my chemistry class in school (in question, the biggest face in the picture was actually a pose, he wasnt sleeping...). So funny how time flies, one moment i'm sitting there furiously absorbing all i can (most of the time, other times were spent in stupor) from the teacher, the next moment i am the one standing at the whiteboard, hoping to impart something mindblowing that will give my students their As.

Wise up.

been awhile since i blogged. This is a little late, but happy teacher's day!

you know, i never really fully appreciated the hardships and pains my teachers went through in the course of teaching until i started teaching, be it percussion, drumset or just academics.

Teaching is tough, tons of essays to mark, ownership over their improvements. Teaching extends beyond the time you actually teach, from planning lessons (especially important for class based students) to tearing your hair out at the inane grammatical errors or careless mistakes they make when marking their work.

Even in teaching music, you feel the responsibilty to help them improve, trying all sorts of methods that will make them improve.

But the intangible rewards are simply satisfying, the mere improvement of their grades, the enthusiasm they bring to class, the rapt attention they give you, the fierce determination on their faces and their wondrous excitement as they discover the meaning i was trying to impart to them in that particular segment of music, and the sense of accomplishment from watching them grow in the process.

This passion may have faltered in many educators over the years from setbacks and stress, but nevertheless we must be thankful for all their hardwork and dedication to make us who we are today.

-

On a sidenote, just had my wisdom tooth extraction surgery today. My biggest gripe? Eating suddenly become a tremondously tedious process.

and to end off, i made my students from english class write some haikus, here are some pretty interesting ones, basic they may be, but an awesome job at that :)

Mr Ho is here.
Sunday classes has begun
English lessons. Yawnz.



Sunday class was bored
Grammar always kill us all,
I don't want Grammar.
-
(i actually like this one, its grammatical erros are interestingly apt)

and finally, their reaction to this assignment.

Each time i reach class
How I wish that my teacher
Won't be so random.
-
very funny...

Moving forward

I don't blog often nowadays. I guess the allure of penning down thoughts onto an online page loses its appeal after awhile as you grow old. But I guess what brings bloggers back to their old dusty blogs to leave a post or whatsoever is those fleeting moments where the allure pushes through the dusty hinges of our memory to remind us of the times we used to blog incessantly about our daily lives (i do admit i was victim to this during my early blogging years.)

I have just hit the big 2 just a few days ago an important milestone i would say, but i'm sure many would beg to differ, seeing how the age of 21 remains the most celebrated among our generation today. While most of my birthdays are marked by the year i had lived through, what with the experiences and such, i would say that it was the day itself on my 20th that made its milestone.

While i didnt exactly skydive or bungee jump that day, (my 2 respective dreams by the way), it was a rather spiritual or emotional one i must say. Don't get me wrong, religious would be the last thing my friends would say of me if asked. When i speak of spirit, i speak of the living entity within our bodies that is us.

A friend once told me that when you hit 20, you start thinking of your life, your career, and your future; it all starts setting into stone, the path you are about to make in your life. To me it represented more, it represented a different view in perspectives, in ideals, in leading life in view of all that hits you when you turn 20. "pah you don't know what you're talking about" my older readers might be thinking now, but i guess, thats what being 20 is, old enough to realise the increasing gravities of life. yet young enough to hopefully posess that childish innocence to pull through this increasingly complicated times.

My life is complicated, i'm sure many of your lives are too, in our own special way, but for that day, my thoughts were crystal clear, and that's what made the difference.

-

To many happy birthdays ahead, to all of you.

Take Flight.

A good rest coming up; 1 week off from work after rushing around doing parades into the weekends for the past 2 weeks. :)

Been reading a book "Against Happiness" Eric G Wilson. It's basically about how we should relish the times we get down instead of always forcing ourselves to be happy and dandy all the time for "it is the blues that make us human". It's not an easy book to digest; sentences leaving me pondering for durations. Take this for example:

"Experience - a sorrowful sense of the tragic nature of the world, a departure from the bliss of innocence"

The thought of it is compelling, and especially chilling at the same time.

Went for supper after rehearsal for an upcoming event involving chorale and orchestra. Awesome company, had alot of very interesting insights about life's paths, work, education in general. One thing really struck me when we were talking about how people say we're too young expose yourself to the harsh realities of the world at certain ages. Just like how most parents would discourage their schooling children who wants to work. And here's what my friend said to that.

"King Tut ruled Eygpt at the age of 14; Alexandra the Great was probably around 19 when he went about on his great conquests, I guess that says alot yeah."

You're just never too young to learn life's lessons yeah.

Listen to your heart

Sorry for the lack of updates guys, things have been so busy lately i havent even have time to finish uploading the photos of my trip to korea online.

With all the parades, rehearsals, preparation for the masterclass, hardly have time for myself or just chilling out with friends.

Speaking of which, the timpani masterclass i had with Mr Paul Philbert was really beneficial. The focus was pretty much on the stylistic and emotional aspect of playing certain pieces. Some of the stuff he said really resonated alot within me.

"As a performer, you perform. and you give it all you've got; and that applies to life as well, you don't just try, cause to try is to fail with dignity, with excuses"

I would say that this masterclass was an extremely fulfilling one at that, unconventional, but rather effective at that. Thank you, Mr Philbert.

With the new batch, my mirror batch, entering my band, I feel kind of old. A year has passed since i entered my individual unit's separate bands; from the name at the bottom of the nominal roll to practically the topmost, a rise in seniority. Many things have happened throughout the course of my service, i have made great friends, learnt important lessons and had great experiences, and the juniors will come to feel the same. Time does seem to fly by so fast especially in retrospect.

2 sets of tuition class later on, have recently taken up a new student, teaching him chemistry. He's remarkably quiet, giving me one word replies every so often (if he even gives me a reply at all) I really look forward to the day he aces his exams :)


As for the video above, that's real music guys, real music.

I know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what it seems,
the feeling of belonging to your dreams.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

And there are voices
that want to be heard.
So much to mention
but you can't find the words.
The scent of magic,
the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

And I'm back from the land where Hyundai and Samsung reigns supreme. Confused? Apparently these two mega firms produce practically every kind of product in Korea, and being really supportive of their own products, practically everything I see is either Hyundai or Samsun. oh and Kia too. (Hyundai makes toothbrushes too if you're wondering why i mentioned 2 car brand names)

Have been micro jotting down thoughts and notes, and diligently taking photos as I go from place to place in Korea, so I shall attempt to compile them into an entry soon.

till then, the crazy unpacking starts. (and getting myself connected back into the hectic Singaporean lifestyle )

Captivity

"Kathy looked me right in the eye. Then she took a breath, and never took another one. She sank to the bottom of the tank. Every breath a dolphin takes is a conscious effort, so they can decide not to take the next breath. That's what I mean by suicide"
- Ric O'Barry, a dolphin trainer turned dolphin activist, on the death of one of the dolphins he trained

I was reading an article on the papers about the plight of dolphins in captive as well as the terrible ways they are captured.

The idea of being snatched from your natural surroundings and forced to live in an unnatural place where conditions are much lesser than your prior state, often to the border of cruelty, is unbearable.

The article details how dolphins are captured; hordes driven into an inlet from the sea, healthy ones taken captive while the unlucky ones get clubbed to death. It also talks about lives of the captive dolphins, placed into concrete 'jails' to circle around the same enclosure, pandering to the screams of its audience. Most of dolphins in captivity live much shorter lives than their lucky counterparts out there in the ocean, many of which suffer from painful ulcers and even insanity from the extreme stress brought about by captivity.

I read a quote sometime back: "Humans are an extraordinary species, they are the only species who can experience empathy, so much so that such can even be felt for non-living objects."

The feeling that you often get when you see someone, or even animals, in plight, is a feeling we take for granted, but we don't realise that it's the very ability to do so that makes us human. Not our ability to fight, nor our ability to think of ingenious ways to destroy and annilhilate, but the ability to feel sadness or happiness for another, for us to experience the hurt and pain indirectly from the plight of others.

Connectivity

In the span of the past 2days, I didn't have the use of my handphone, which i had lost, exacerbated by how i was doing duty at camp as well, so i did not have any means to obtain substitute line as a replacement.

That 2days alone taught me alot.

For the initial hours upon losing my phone, i felt strangely distraught, as if i had been disconnected from world. It felt almost like a crime to be uncontactable by a by now, almost taken for granted mean.

The aftermath of which, other than an occasional hiccup of issues arising from being uncontactable, things actually felt good. I stopped having to reach into my pocket to check for my phone from time to time (there was nothing there in the first place). As my friend and I was driving out for lunch today, he remarked how the atmosphere in the car felt so peaceful: few had his number (he deferred for studies a year back and only came back recently to complete his service), while i lost my phone. Basically, we were unplugged for that duration of lunch we had outside camp. True that was. I felt, interestingly, carefree.

I read an article once about the advent of the likes of Blackberries and Iphones, leading to how society is becoming more pressured to ensure that it's individuals are perpetually contactable 24/7, and how it binds us and makes us dependent on this connectivity.

From this experience, i realised how dependent on my phone i was, the need to be connected has indeed been ingrained into my consciousness so much that i can feel a part of me missing with the loss of such a material object.

I guess it was good that such a mishap (?) happened, i came to realise and learnt several lessons which would not have occured if not for this.

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking 'round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that their goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy
Maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

I keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

Perceptions and expectations

Just came back from a run at a park near my house. It felt good, putting me into a state of pensiveness and all.

Borrowed my brother's bike to cycle to the park; i must say that the gentle slopes make cycling there absolutely fantastic. Freewheeling down the whole stretch of road, with the wind brushing against my face and body, felt amazing. The element of risk, abandon, unrestraint and of course, speed, just makes it so exhilarating.

Developed a stitch halfway through my 4km run and decided to stop and head to the exercise corner. It was painful (i think i drank too much water at home), nevertheless, the pounding of the feet against the asphalt road surrounding the lake for the first half of my run provided a backbeat for me to mull over issues ongoing in my head.

After a couple of routine exercises, I finished off my last set of sit ups, lying upon the tilted sit up ramps, staring upwards into the night sky.

It felt great.

-

I guess at some point of our lives we face many woes and issues. We face the judgemental onslaught of perceptions and expectations from everywhere around us, and more importantly from within ourselves.

Of the woes of every up and coming men and women into the society, woes brooded by many upon the onset of their twentieth birthday (or more), i guess it just came a little earlier for me.

-

Nevertheless.

today is a good night.

sealed by a ring
a ring of commitment,
a ring of love,

binding

she sits by the glass bowl
of fishes circling
round and round
and a heavy tapestry
that drapes,
surrounds,
and shrouds.

wondering

Marketplace lessons

It's been awhile since i stepped into the market, what with busy schedules galore. Went to the market opposite my place to get some vegetables and condiments for the meat i've been wanting to season for quite awhile.

Maybe it's a weekend, as there suddenly seems to be an increase in the size of the male population there: be it toddler totting or tram pushing dads while the mums haggle over the prices of the vegetables, or (shock!) them alone choosing a slab of meat from the meat stall. But definitely, i guess it's a big step from the female dominated arena; a mishmash of gossip, shopping and socialising in this market (oh yes, and squeezing and pushing)

That saying, was choosing from a pile of onion bundles, and you know, you can never seem to get the best onions all in a bundle. Where there are good ones, there will always be the lousy anaemic ones.

I guess it's like life isnt it. It all comes in a set. Whatever decisions you make, there will always be the downsides to the upsides that you'll be getting. No you wont be able to take the bundle of onions back and request for a change, same for life. You just got to live with the decisions you make.

Weird as this analogy may seem, i found this trip to be particularly pensive and therapeutic indeed.

-

Alright, have a lower sec science class at noon to prepare for, so till then.

He came in walking on crutches. A young boy, thirteen at most, an amputee. His rounded face reflected minute crinkles and creases, a stain of spent emotions beyond his age and frame.

"Uncle, a plate of chicken rice, please."

His soft voice broke my train of thoughts.

I busied myself preparing the rice. What exactly happened to this boy, at so tender an age?

It was of course not uncommon to see people in crutches, or even wheelchairs, it was a hospital canteen afterall, the nonbedridden patients definitely preferred the food here over the gruel served in their wards.

"$2.80, boy, thank you"

Propping his trembling arms on his crutches, he slowly reached into his pocket for change. Then it happened.

His arms gave way, his body weight too much for his thin arms to bear. And he fell, crashing onto the floor.

My heart lurched, I wanted to run forward to help him up, but the design of the stall made it impossible for the vendors to move beyond their counter
As quickly as he fell, he hastily struggled to get up. It was no easy feat. Tears welled up in his eyes as he mumbled,

"It's okay, Daddy said I must do it myself. I don't need help. I don't need help."

Tears rolled down those round cheeks, in pain and in frustration.

His soft voice had taken on a rough, unnatural edge. It was the sound of a person who had fought many battles of hardship; a voice, from this tiny frame before me.

"Uncle, sorry... keeping you waiting, I... there, $2.80"

As he choked out those words, I caught his gaze.

They say that the eyes were the bridge to the soul. In his eyes, I saw sorrow and hurt, sadness and despair, loss. It showed me the anguish, the pain, the suffering and the toll it had taken on this young boy; a mere vestige of the life he was supposed to live.

The simple joys of tasting a sweet, the innocent pleasure of running free.

Unknown experiences.

As he limped away carrying his rice, I muttered a small prayer for the boy


-

A small stroke of inspiration on the train on the way to meet my brother and his friends for badminton the other day. I think i look like a right moron scribbling on my notebook then.

Tangerines and Kebabs

it's been awhile since i last blogged.

Life's been pretty much the same, save for a few rollercoaster rides up and down the rails of life.

A fortnights' worth of frantic last minute studying drew to a close yesterday morning after taking my SATs, hope i do get a good grade.

What followed was some great food and great company, ramen at ippudo at mandarin gallery, thor at cineleisure, a trip to cat socrates in the evening at bugis to chill, followed by moroccan cuisine sitting alfresco along muscat st.

The listing? Sometimes i just love the life i have, just hanging out with a small group of people, talking about everything under the sun, enjoying good food and just soaking in the vibe around us.

I saw this mail yesterday by a secondary classmate of mine, havent kept in contact with the majority of my graduating secondary class for a couple of years already. What was in the mail was simply an attempt to collate contacts of everybody in that class: including the universities everyone is studying in now and such, also to suggest a possible gathering via a small barbeque.

which really made me ponder, how we all tend to be so caught up in our lives, sometimes ending up neglecting the people who had at some point of our lives, crossed our paths and made a difference; not that we mean to, but we're just too busy.

For that, i really appreciate the efforts of those, far and few, who actually make an effort to organise such gatherings, and also those who reciprocate by trying their best to make the time for the people who we once saw so often, nearly almost everyday at some point of our lives.

as a close friend of mine said,

"it all boils down to each individual - whether they bother or not"

and on a sidenote, happy mother's day ♥

-

Someone once asked me "i wonder where all the money you saved went to"

my answer to that?

the joy of your own son/grandson treating you and your family to a meal, is all the answer i need.

i love you, Ma

As usual, it's been a long while since i posted.

Needless to say, yes my life is hectic. Ignore any lull period i ever mentioned prior to this post cause i doubt that's even existent now.

Several things are ongoing now that are really trying my limits in many senses. I guess that is resulting it much unwanted angst I've been feeling over every little thing that happens or have gone wrong.

And i don't exactly have a length fuse to my temper (which is something i really need to take control of, esp these days)

-

That saying, was caught awake last night mulling over several issues before sleeping. Listed down a couple of things I need to work towards as individual goals and targets for myself if i really want to change for the better.

One new thing to add to the list.

Tolerance.

till then,

My Arms send their warmest regards as they are currently on their dying breath from being overworked today. I guess that's their way of saying goodbye.

Moments.

Life's busy as it is. Issues are being stirred up at work which is really very perturbing, especially when it's being caused by specific people, or person i must say. Tolerance is key, yet everyone has their own individual levels of putting on that big wide smile and carrying on with life. Mine is just about to spillover at that specific imbecile who keeps running around stirring things up.

Alright. Enough of the negativity.

You know how there are specific moments in life where you just really want to record down; those moments that just give you that spark in life, or that timely epiphany, that just makes life so meaningful, and all?

I was on the train home to meet my friends today after work. What happned was that a group of elderly ladies came aboard the train. A commuter sitting on one of the seats stood up for them to sit. What followed was that 3 other commuters stood up consecutively for the remaining 3 of them standing, resulting in quite a few smiles around the carriage as the elderly ladies were giiven a seat for themselves one by one.

It's just amazing how a simple act of grace can spark off a chain of similar events so beautiful upon the moral compasses of all who witnessed it.

I guess this really teaches the 'waiting generation' of Singaporeans, a predominant group of our citizens, that there really isnt a need for a "I'll wait to see if anybody does it, if not, i'll do it" mentality. Take the lead and be the first to step forward with that act of grace, and inspire the remaining to do the same. It's that simple.

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And there were other moments.

I was walking home from the train station, letting my mind wander after a day of work, when i suddenly remembered a rather hilarious event from when I was still in secondary school. I had just received an essay I had written, which I finally surpassed the 80percent mark which i was really aiming to get. Out of a sheer moment of childishness, I did a front flip in my class, in front of all my classmates and my teacher, and landed on my back. For one, I had never even attempted a front flip before, least to say succeeded. Oh, and of course, never in front of such a setting out of the blue. The point really was neither about the first or the latter, but of that spark of child within me. Replete with stuff in my life right now, at an age where much of that "child" shouldnt be lacking, I wonder, where have all of it gone too?

A friend once told me: You sometimes appear younger than you look, but the moment I get to know you well enough, you seem to age several years before my eyes.

But I guess it really isnt that bad in many ways. We have to leave that childhood behind sooner or later, why not now? Don't we all have to come to that point where we bemoan that little child within that sphere of innocence that we left behind years back?

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Anyway, despite the weary two days, I must say that it has really been a fulfilling experience for myself, and I hope likewise for those whom i have taught. Many weeks more to come, and I'm really thankful for those little jaunts after work wiith friends who take that edge off work. :)


Thats that then, another awesome week ahead.

yes, life's still awesome, no matter how you look at it.

Writer's Block

Havent really been posting lately; posting being concrete, proper posts which my prior two posts are not.

Lots of things have been happening in my life.

Hectic i would say, tiring, definitely.

But everytime i sit down to type, words seem to fail the moment i place my fingers on the keyboard.

Alright. there it is.

another nonsensical , mundane post, out of the gazillions in the blogosphere bemoaning the perils of the writer's block.

till then.