The 'Mr' Title

The last time i said it's been ages since i blogged here, was last september, 2 posts down.

A new year has since arrived, and I have finished my tenure in serving the nation.

While many of my friends have taken on internships in hope of getting a headstart to the rat race into university, or taken on 9-5 jobs in all forms; waitering, administrative, data entry, i embarked in greater intensity on a job that i have actually been doing for quite awhile.

Teaching.

The sudden influx of some many students placed respectively under my care for specific subjects/areas are indeed overwhelming at times.

If i were to place a rough estimate of how many students I am now responsible for, a little over 60 would be a good estimate.

And with that comes with so many teaching pedagogies that i am suddenly being exposed to. (Not that i am complaining, i have an incredible boss and workmates that share alot of methods in teaching different students and subjects) Coupled with methods that i am quickly learning along the way, my learning curve has never been greater.

There are so many intricacies in dealing with students of all ages, of classroom management, from dealing with the rowdy ones to those who absolutely clam up throughout the lesson.

I now work most weekday nights and a pretty huge chunk of my weekends, since that's when most of my students are free from the backbreaking load of school. Reaching home mostly after 11, bleary-eyed and exhausted from hours of lessons, the resolve sometime wavers.

The amount of work is tremendous. Unlike a 9-5 admin job, where work is typically confined to the office, i usually arrive hours before my actual lesson timings to work out lesson plans and mark their work, likewise for my private students (i prepare their stuff at home). My peers often tell me i have it good; hourly rates of teaching are comparatively very lucrative and financially rewarding. I used to believe it, but now i truly understand the refrain my teachers have told me from time to time; we earn peanuts. Teachers do earn peanuts, for the amount of work they do.

Nevertheless, teaching is ultimately rewarding. The satisfaction from seeing your students grasp a concept, breaking through the wall of a struggling student in understanding a subject, of watching your student grow in the process; it absolutely sweeps away all prior thoughts of the monetary worth (lack of) in teaching.

Just a couple of days ago, i have had a student coming up to me after class asking me questions regarding his homework that his school had set him. After explaining the concepts behind each question, he said thank you and left. While it may not seem much, the words of gratitude he said, as well as watching how comprehension dawned upon him as i explained the question is so immensely satisfying.

The idea of being given the opportunity to empower and positively impact somebody is truly, amazingly fulfilling and exhilarating.

Every lesson is a new challenge, a challenge that I am undertaking more times my fingers on my hands can count in a week, and I truly love every second of it.

I may not end up teaching full time in the future, but I can honestly say that it is definitely a defining moment of my life.

This past few weeks, I have also came to realise a problem that many students face today. Many students are sent for tuition by their parents, few of their own accord. Some might understand the need for it, but some may not.

And then you have students in academically weaker streams. Teaching some of them, i realise that alot of them are definitely in no way lacking in terms of mental ability and thinking capacity to their peers from academically better streams.

The point is, many of them just may not value the importance of education, of how they can help you in securing a better future, enough to work harder for it. This is not to say of course, that a lack of education condemns you to the dregs of society, education provides you with a better opportunity to succeed in leading a fulfilling life.

There will be the detractors, but one cannot deny that education is beneficial in so many ways.

If one day i were to give up teaching altogether, it will be if i have failed to make even one student come to realise this: that when you're going to school, you're not studying for anybody, you're studying for yourself, and your own future. And if that ever happens, i would have failed as a teacher, cause i believe that that is the most important value that teachers can impart to their students, not the subjects in they teach, but of the value and importance of education.

-

If you're wondering what the photo at the top is, it was a picture taken a couple of years back, in my chemistry class in school (in question, the biggest face in the picture was actually a pose, he wasnt sleeping...). So funny how time flies, one moment i'm sitting there furiously absorbing all i can (most of the time, other times were spent in stupor) from the teacher, the next moment i am the one standing at the whiteboard, hoping to impart something mindblowing that will give my students their As.

Wise up.

been awhile since i blogged. This is a little late, but happy teacher's day!

you know, i never really fully appreciated the hardships and pains my teachers went through in the course of teaching until i started teaching, be it percussion, drumset or just academics.

Teaching is tough, tons of essays to mark, ownership over their improvements. Teaching extends beyond the time you actually teach, from planning lessons (especially important for class based students) to tearing your hair out at the inane grammatical errors or careless mistakes they make when marking their work.

Even in teaching music, you feel the responsibilty to help them improve, trying all sorts of methods that will make them improve.

But the intangible rewards are simply satisfying, the mere improvement of their grades, the enthusiasm they bring to class, the rapt attention they give you, the fierce determination on their faces and their wondrous excitement as they discover the meaning i was trying to impart to them in that particular segment of music, and the sense of accomplishment from watching them grow in the process.

This passion may have faltered in many educators over the years from setbacks and stress, but nevertheless we must be thankful for all their hardwork and dedication to make us who we are today.

-

On a sidenote, just had my wisdom tooth extraction surgery today. My biggest gripe? Eating suddenly become a tremondously tedious process.

and to end off, i made my students from english class write some haikus, here are some pretty interesting ones, basic they may be, but an awesome job at that :)

Mr Ho is here.
Sunday classes has begun
English lessons. Yawnz.



Sunday class was bored
Grammar always kill us all,
I don't want Grammar.
-
(i actually like this one, its grammatical erros are interestingly apt)

and finally, their reaction to this assignment.

Each time i reach class
How I wish that my teacher
Won't be so random.
-
very funny...

Free Spirits

The picture was taken in Prague by my bro, who is on a 42day backpacking trip around Europe. Envious? Definitely. The idea of wandering into the unknown, albeit armed with a giant book of 'lonely planet' europe, is simply one thing that is commonly exhilarating to both my bro and me. He completed a 21 day asia last year and is doing the double now.

Something i will do? Absolutely. He told me that this trip would probably set him back about SGD5000, i guess i'd better start setting aside a bit of my savings for this now.

I guess the allure of backpacking alone that draws us so much stems from how we were brought up. I wouldnt say i hated how i was brought up, it made me who i am today, but we had quite abit of restrictions in the past. Therefore, the idea of foraying out there really entices us. While many might say that the amount of control that my parents exerted over us might have led us to lose that sense of individuality or actually come to feel sheltered; I feel it has somehow worked the opposite, my brother and I simply jump at the opportunity to leap out into murky waters; it helped us develop as individuals not afraid, yearning instead, to explore this world out there.

Had a very leisurely afternoon today at home, a respite after the constant rushing around for the past 3weeks, in fact, i only woke up just awhile ago, sleep has never been so satisfying as when you're tired. I only discovered this morning that i had been living on 5 hours of sleep for the past 3 weeks, was really running on reserved juice for the past week. I guess that explains the headache i felt after only downing a pint of erdinger yesterday with my friends.

In retrospect, the title for this post seems kind of apt, what being the 7th month in the Chinese Calendar after all (where the Hungry Ghost festival takes place), and a tribute to the free spirits out there, those who yearn to step out from shelter, those who long for that tingling feeling of excitement that comes from the unknown.

On a sidenote, i feel like continuing where i left off for classical piano, it's been awhile.

Moving forward

I don't blog often nowadays. I guess the allure of penning down thoughts onto an online page loses its appeal after awhile as you grow old. But I guess what brings bloggers back to their old dusty blogs to leave a post or whatsoever is those fleeting moments where the allure pushes through the dusty hinges of our memory to remind us of the times we used to blog incessantly about our daily lives (i do admit i was victim to this during my early blogging years.)

I have just hit the big 2 just a few days ago an important milestone i would say, but i'm sure many would beg to differ, seeing how the age of 21 remains the most celebrated among our generation today. While most of my birthdays are marked by the year i had lived through, what with the experiences and such, i would say that it was the day itself on my 20th that made its milestone.

While i didnt exactly skydive or bungee jump that day, (my 2 respective dreams by the way), it was a rather spiritual or emotional one i must say. Don't get me wrong, religious would be the last thing my friends would say of me if asked. When i speak of spirit, i speak of the living entity within our bodies that is us.

A friend once told me that when you hit 20, you start thinking of your life, your career, and your future; it all starts setting into stone, the path you are about to make in your life. To me it represented more, it represented a different view in perspectives, in ideals, in leading life in view of all that hits you when you turn 20. "pah you don't know what you're talking about" my older readers might be thinking now, but i guess, thats what being 20 is, old enough to realise the increasing gravities of life. yet young enough to hopefully posess that childish innocence to pull through this increasingly complicated times.

My life is complicated, i'm sure many of your lives are too, in our own special way, but for that day, my thoughts were crystal clear, and that's what made the difference.

-

To many happy birthdays ahead, to all of you.

Take Flight.

A good rest coming up; 1 week off from work after rushing around doing parades into the weekends for the past 2 weeks. :)

Been reading a book "Against Happiness" Eric G Wilson. It's basically about how we should relish the times we get down instead of always forcing ourselves to be happy and dandy all the time for "it is the blues that make us human". It's not an easy book to digest; sentences leaving me pondering for durations. Take this for example:

"Experience - a sorrowful sense of the tragic nature of the world, a departure from the bliss of innocence"

The thought of it is compelling, and especially chilling at the same time.

Went for supper after rehearsal for an upcoming event involving chorale and orchestra. Awesome company, had alot of very interesting insights about life's paths, work, education in general. One thing really struck me when we were talking about how people say we're too young expose yourself to the harsh realities of the world at certain ages. Just like how most parents would discourage their schooling children who wants to work. And here's what my friend said to that.

"King Tut ruled Eygpt at the age of 14; Alexandra the Great was probably around 19 when he went about on his great conquests, I guess that says alot yeah."

You're just never too young to learn life's lessons yeah.

Listen to your heart

Sorry for the lack of updates guys, things have been so busy lately i havent even have time to finish uploading the photos of my trip to korea online.

With all the parades, rehearsals, preparation for the masterclass, hardly have time for myself or just chilling out with friends.

Speaking of which, the timpani masterclass i had with Mr Paul Philbert was really beneficial. The focus was pretty much on the stylistic and emotional aspect of playing certain pieces. Some of the stuff he said really resonated alot within me.

"As a performer, you perform. and you give it all you've got; and that applies to life as well, you don't just try, cause to try is to fail with dignity, with excuses"

I would say that this masterclass was an extremely fulfilling one at that, unconventional, but rather effective at that. Thank you, Mr Philbert.

With the new batch, my mirror batch, entering my band, I feel kind of old. A year has passed since i entered my individual unit's separate bands; from the name at the bottom of the nominal roll to practically the topmost, a rise in seniority. Many things have happened throughout the course of my service, i have made great friends, learnt important lessons and had great experiences, and the juniors will come to feel the same. Time does seem to fly by so fast especially in retrospect.

2 sets of tuition class later on, have recently taken up a new student, teaching him chemistry. He's remarkably quiet, giving me one word replies every so often (if he even gives me a reply at all) I really look forward to the day he aces his exams :)


As for the video above, that's real music guys, real music.

I know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what it seems,
the feeling of belonging to your dreams.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

And there are voices
that want to be heard.
So much to mention
but you can't find the words.
The scent of magic,
the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Journey de la nostalgie

On a particularly futile trip to and fro from my camp to the other camp on the other side of the island, the combination of the drowsy afternoon and the cold air bellowing from the airconditioning vents on the van, my thoughts somehow drifted to memories. Memories of digging through my bag for lecture notes at the lecture hall in junior college, of the sleepless night in japan I had before my concerto the next day, cutting english class halfway in secondary school by "going out to the locker to get stuff", my first big fight i had with a good friend from primary school (we made up, like how fights when we were young turn out).

It felt really satisfying, letting these experiences relieve themselves inside my mind.

With an upcoming project, life's starting to get crazily hectic all over again. work in the day and rehearsals at night. By work i mean, shuttling to other camps doing countless corp of drums, and numerous inane parade rehearsals.Waking up at 6 in the morning, finish work at 530 and rushing for rehearsal at 7, which ends at 1030. Repeat cycle the next morning.

Had some how managed to secure 2 off days from work today and tomorrow due to the need for some TLC for myself, making for a long week end this week.

Slept in today, made myself some breakfast, fiddled around with the piano, read up abit on SATs; nothing beats some alone time for bodily recuperation. Hope to swim later in the afternoon, if the rain stops. And then off to rehearsal at night :)

Only downside is the irritating construction going on below my block, no idea why i seem to having construction going on all year round.

Transcribing Collin Raye's "Love me" onto piano now. Love that song. :)

As usual, it's been a long while since i posted.

Needless to say, yes my life is hectic. Ignore any lull period i ever mentioned prior to this post cause i doubt that's even existent now.

Several things are ongoing now that are really trying my limits in many senses. I guess that is resulting it much unwanted angst I've been feeling over every little thing that happens or have gone wrong.

And i don't exactly have a length fuse to my temper (which is something i really need to take control of, esp these days)

-

That saying, was caught awake last night mulling over several issues before sleeping. Listed down a couple of things I need to work towards as individual goals and targets for myself if i really want to change for the better.

One new thing to add to the list.

Tolerance.

till then,

My Arms send their warmest regards as they are currently on their dying breath from being overworked today. I guess that's their way of saying goodbye.

Moments.

Life's busy as it is. Issues are being stirred up at work which is really very perturbing, especially when it's being caused by specific people, or person i must say. Tolerance is key, yet everyone has their own individual levels of putting on that big wide smile and carrying on with life. Mine is just about to spillover at that specific imbecile who keeps running around stirring things up.

Alright. Enough of the negativity.

You know how there are specific moments in life where you just really want to record down; those moments that just give you that spark in life, or that timely epiphany, that just makes life so meaningful, and all?

I was on the train home to meet my friends today after work. What happned was that a group of elderly ladies came aboard the train. A commuter sitting on one of the seats stood up for them to sit. What followed was that 3 other commuters stood up consecutively for the remaining 3 of them standing, resulting in quite a few smiles around the carriage as the elderly ladies were giiven a seat for themselves one by one.

It's just amazing how a simple act of grace can spark off a chain of similar events so beautiful upon the moral compasses of all who witnessed it.

I guess this really teaches the 'waiting generation' of Singaporeans, a predominant group of our citizens, that there really isnt a need for a "I'll wait to see if anybody does it, if not, i'll do it" mentality. Take the lead and be the first to step forward with that act of grace, and inspire the remaining to do the same. It's that simple.

-

And there were other moments.

I was walking home from the train station, letting my mind wander after a day of work, when i suddenly remembered a rather hilarious event from when I was still in secondary school. I had just received an essay I had written, which I finally surpassed the 80percent mark which i was really aiming to get. Out of a sheer moment of childishness, I did a front flip in my class, in front of all my classmates and my teacher, and landed on my back. For one, I had never even attempted a front flip before, least to say succeeded. Oh, and of course, never in front of such a setting out of the blue. The point really was neither about the first or the latter, but of that spark of child within me. Replete with stuff in my life right now, at an age where much of that "child" shouldnt be lacking, I wonder, where have all of it gone too?

A friend once told me: You sometimes appear younger than you look, but the moment I get to know you well enough, you seem to age several years before my eyes.

But I guess it really isnt that bad in many ways. We have to leave that childhood behind sooner or later, why not now? Don't we all have to come to that point where we bemoan that little child within that sphere of innocence that we left behind years back?

-

Anyway, despite the weary two days, I must say that it has really been a fulfilling experience for myself, and I hope likewise for those whom i have taught. Many weeks more to come, and I'm really thankful for those little jaunts after work wiith friends who take that edge off work. :)


Thats that then, another awesome week ahead.

yes, life's still awesome, no matter how you look at it.

Of precious gems, old and new

Yeah it's been awhile.

thats cause of 750words.com which is really stealing all those little bits of randoms on my mind :)

Anyway, I just want to share a little quote from my friend's blog which i really found, simply beautiful. It's said in reference to an Islamic viewpoint. While I do not really subscribe particularly to any religious viewpoint, I must say that this really made a lot of sense, and beautifully was it brought forth.

( i paraphrased abit )

~
The father took a good look at his daughter, and sat her down on his lap.

And this were the words he spoke:

Anna, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground,covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You've got to work hard to get to them."

He then looked at her with serious eyes. "Your body is sacred. You're far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too. (Only the One will deserve to unearth your true beauty)."
~

This is in reference (correct me i'm wrong), to the traditional Islamic view that women should be well covered in Islamic garb, the hijab. There has been other variations, such as the tudung as well.

yep.

Right, as some of you may know, I have just returned from my trip to Germany, and yes that ends my hectic (full) attachments over to the other band. Hope to spend the next few months really working on some of the goals i have in my mind, mainly, my percussion technique, some jazz theory, my body (yes i need much need exericise) and SATs. Yes i am finally going to take the SATS test which most of my academic counterparts have already taken (had they already decided to take it in the first place).

Why, you may ask. Well it's most of a personal challenge as well as a bid to ensure that my mind does not rot into oblivion from the sheer lack of stimulation now that I've been out of the academic life for more than a year. Oh don't get me wrong, national service is mentally stimulating as well, ( some may beg to differ, of course ), but it's definitely a huge departure from the insane studying for the Alevels.

Right. Time of the year with 2 major events colliding. The lunar new year, as well as the enlistment of young men into the service. This means a whole bout of meeting up with old friends and new in the name of reunion, as well as bidding our farewells for a month or so to these future enlistees (their next few months, whatever rest days that they get, would probably be used for what it is meant to be, rest - a system reboot for the coming week of training)

So there.

Writer's Block

Havent really been posting lately; posting being concrete, proper posts which my prior two posts are not.

Lots of things have been happening in my life.

Hectic i would say, tiring, definitely.

But everytime i sit down to type, words seem to fail the moment i place my fingers on the keyboard.

Alright. there it is.

another nonsensical , mundane post, out of the gazillions in the blogosphere bemoaning the perils of the writer's block.

till then.

Back Here

went out with my parents yesterday noon to my granddad's

He's getting on quite poorly these days, Alzheimer's taking a toll on him. Brought him out for lunch and sat down talking with him, while Mum busied herself in their kitchen, and Dad, forever silent, sat aside reading his papers.

We sat there talking, him asking me the same questions about my life, my brother, where i was, and where he was, over and over again.

then he turned to my Mum suddenly, asking

"when are your sons arriving?"

The pain that the families suffer in light of a single disease is unimaginable, but we all take it in our stride, just for the single happiness of the patient.

For his smile at finding out about his grandchild's life, even for the single minute before he forgets, i'll gladly answer the same questions again and again.

~

Went to my Granduncle's house next, my Uncle just came back from New Zealand with his wife and year old daughter, my baby cousin :)

It always marvels me how mature grown ups revert to their googoogagas upon seeing a single baby.

That saying, she's disgustingly cute :) Spent a whole hour just letting her play with my fingers.

-

It seems highly poignant, a beautiful the cycle of life is.

With the old brings the new, and it just goes on, my uncles and aunts, and my parents will soon grow old, and my cousins, grown up. And newer generations will grow and take our places, of us running around the playground when we were young.

I guess that's life ain it.

-

It was a tiring day, emotionally.

and It's a lazy Sunday today, an afternoon to rest before rehearsal at night.

Back to Jive

Wow, it's been long since i posted anything

I guess the month's been kind of crazy, concerts, parades and all.

Speaking of which, I have one coming up this sunday which I'm really excited for cause it's gonna be the first time i'm doing the quad toms.

And this video has really inspired me to start working on jazz vibes. A lot.

Really puts my mood back into practicing again. Was really disillusioned the past few days after overstraining my wrist.

~

public? or not?

hm.

It's been a tiring 2 weeks of late.

From parades to preparing for concerts, everyday is just such a blur.

And it's so interesting how everytime i tell myself, I will have more time to rest the next week, and i find myself steeped with things to do the once the new week begins.

That saying, I'm nervous for the concert this sunday. I'm not done preparing my piece yet. Must bring it up to standard asap.

2 more tiring days before a break on saturday.

While It Lasted

Was on board 151 on a long journey back home from nus.so concert. As it passed went along bukit timah road, many memories came flooding back.

Remembered how I used to take this bus to ccab from school every thursday for rehearsal at night. Staying back in school to finish up the random assignments before heading to rehearsal. Sacrificing dinner time to time just so i could have that extra minutes to tune the timpanis when no one has reached yet for i wasnt really experienced enough then. And going back home late at night after that, cramming on the mrt for a test the next day every now and then. Weary, but happy just simply being at the rehearsal. The fervour to perform well, the thirst for more experience. The need to play music, above all.

-

And the concert today marks the end of my constant travelling to clementi from home/camp (insanely far) twice weekly for the past 3 weeks. Playing there was an experience which I kind of have mixed feelings for. Witnessing how they worked together in all aspects, right down to people in the orchestra coming together to shift the instruments from the rehearsal venue to the concert venue, their excitement at the concert, the raw process of music making, the sense of being part of a group with a common motivation and goal. Something that i have not felt since my SYF in junior college, the sense of a shared experience and camaraderie. Playing in different places after that, it all became a process of playing the piece of music at hand, where joy really could possibly come from, if present at all in the first place, in playing that piece. Is that really the result of maturing as a player, to lose sight of everything except of the finer elements of the piece, everything boiling down to individual performance?

For the moment I felt it all with them. The excitement and joy reminiscent of then. Sadly I do not belong. And so it ends.

Interpretations

It really irks me when I get faced with 2 absolutely contradicting dilemmas. A soloist who refuses to take note of her accompaniments and a conductor who doesnt function as a gel between the soloist and the rest of the ensemble.

On one hand, i get dissed by the soloists for keeping strict tempi instead of pandering to their highly erratic sense of pulse and structure, On the other, i get dissed by the conductor for not having a steady pulse which obviously i cannot if i were to switch tempos according to the soloists whim, or, inability to play up to speed.

Seriously disgusting.

Cobblestones

I was walking out of the mazes of private estates after teaching at my alma mater this morning. It had some sort of nostalgic feel to it, as I walked passed rows of bungalows. It was unfamiliar, yet familiar in some sense, a distant memory from what felt like so long ago.

I decided to lunch at the small coffee shop near the busstops, tucking into a plate of chicken rice, unchanged since the last time ate it, when I was still donning my secondary school uniform of white and silver buttons. seven silver buttons. It was a quaint little coffeeshop, unchanged, untainted perhaps.

I would still remember the Saturdays where my section would head there for lunch before popping into the 7-11 beside for a slurpee, and dashing back into school to make it for afternoon rehearsals. we always made it.

As I tucked into my food at the coffeshop, savouring every bite ( i had time to kill before rehearsal at bukit timah ), many of my secondary school days memories flooded back, so real and vivid as if it was only yesterday.

Things was so much simpler then, and so much less hectic.


-

Tomorrow's another busy day, I ought to be sleeping soon. Good night.

Work Life

(ignore the words on the planner, it's just some picture from online i took and fiddled with)

was going to meet up with a friend today, which was rescheduled till thur cause her schedule was pretty packed..

which i had to reschedule later on at night cause i just agreed to attend sectionals for the upcoming monday concert this thurs.. prolly am gonng meet her pretty much later next month or something cause she's flying off to india for business.

-

nevertheless, this event really led me to think, how much am i willing to sacrifice my work life for my social life, or if it would be better to rephrase it, my social life for my work life? i honestly know that friends and family mean the world to me, but i somehow usually let my work fill up all my time, so much so that i seem to have no time for those dear to me.

-

to my friends and family, though this blog is for my eyes only as far as i know, i swear i will try my very best to squeeze out whatever time i have to spend with you guys, cause you are the people that keep me going through this madness we call life.

:)

-

in other news, i'm really, very, very motivated to practice very hard once more. thank you mr lim, for your words you shared with just a simple lunch