Moving forward

I don't blog often nowadays. I guess the allure of penning down thoughts onto an online page loses its appeal after awhile as you grow old. But I guess what brings bloggers back to their old dusty blogs to leave a post or whatsoever is those fleeting moments where the allure pushes through the dusty hinges of our memory to remind us of the times we used to blog incessantly about our daily lives (i do admit i was victim to this during my early blogging years.)

I have just hit the big 2 just a few days ago an important milestone i would say, but i'm sure many would beg to differ, seeing how the age of 21 remains the most celebrated among our generation today. While most of my birthdays are marked by the year i had lived through, what with the experiences and such, i would say that it was the day itself on my 20th that made its milestone.

While i didnt exactly skydive or bungee jump that day, (my 2 respective dreams by the way), it was a rather spiritual or emotional one i must say. Don't get me wrong, religious would be the last thing my friends would say of me if asked. When i speak of spirit, i speak of the living entity within our bodies that is us.

A friend once told me that when you hit 20, you start thinking of your life, your career, and your future; it all starts setting into stone, the path you are about to make in your life. To me it represented more, it represented a different view in perspectives, in ideals, in leading life in view of all that hits you when you turn 20. "pah you don't know what you're talking about" my older readers might be thinking now, but i guess, thats what being 20 is, old enough to realise the increasing gravities of life. yet young enough to hopefully posess that childish innocence to pull through this increasingly complicated times.

My life is complicated, i'm sure many of your lives are too, in our own special way, but for that day, my thoughts were crystal clear, and that's what made the difference.

-

To many happy birthdays ahead, to all of you.

Take Flight.

A good rest coming up; 1 week off from work after rushing around doing parades into the weekends for the past 2 weeks. :)

Been reading a book "Against Happiness" Eric G Wilson. It's basically about how we should relish the times we get down instead of always forcing ourselves to be happy and dandy all the time for "it is the blues that make us human". It's not an easy book to digest; sentences leaving me pondering for durations. Take this for example:

"Experience - a sorrowful sense of the tragic nature of the world, a departure from the bliss of innocence"

The thought of it is compelling, and especially chilling at the same time.

Went for supper after rehearsal for an upcoming event involving chorale and orchestra. Awesome company, had alot of very interesting insights about life's paths, work, education in general. One thing really struck me when we were talking about how people say we're too young expose yourself to the harsh realities of the world at certain ages. Just like how most parents would discourage their schooling children who wants to work. And here's what my friend said to that.

"King Tut ruled Eygpt at the age of 14; Alexandra the Great was probably around 19 when he went about on his great conquests, I guess that says alot yeah."

You're just never too young to learn life's lessons yeah.

Listen to your heart

Sorry for the lack of updates guys, things have been so busy lately i havent even have time to finish uploading the photos of my trip to korea online.

With all the parades, rehearsals, preparation for the masterclass, hardly have time for myself or just chilling out with friends.

Speaking of which, the timpani masterclass i had with Mr Paul Philbert was really beneficial. The focus was pretty much on the stylistic and emotional aspect of playing certain pieces. Some of the stuff he said really resonated alot within me.

"As a performer, you perform. and you give it all you've got; and that applies to life as well, you don't just try, cause to try is to fail with dignity, with excuses"

I would say that this masterclass was an extremely fulfilling one at that, unconventional, but rather effective at that. Thank you, Mr Philbert.

With the new batch, my mirror batch, entering my band, I feel kind of old. A year has passed since i entered my individual unit's separate bands; from the name at the bottom of the nominal roll to practically the topmost, a rise in seniority. Many things have happened throughout the course of my service, i have made great friends, learnt important lessons and had great experiences, and the juniors will come to feel the same. Time does seem to fly by so fast especially in retrospect.

2 sets of tuition class later on, have recently taken up a new student, teaching him chemistry. He's remarkably quiet, giving me one word replies every so often (if he even gives me a reply at all) I really look forward to the day he aces his exams :)


As for the video above, that's real music guys, real music.

I know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what it seems,
the feeling of belonging to your dreams.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

And there are voices
that want to be heard.
So much to mention
but you can't find the words.
The scent of magic,
the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

And I'm back from the land where Hyundai and Samsung reigns supreme. Confused? Apparently these two mega firms produce practically every kind of product in Korea, and being really supportive of their own products, practically everything I see is either Hyundai or Samsun. oh and Kia too. (Hyundai makes toothbrushes too if you're wondering why i mentioned 2 car brand names)

Have been micro jotting down thoughts and notes, and diligently taking photos as I go from place to place in Korea, so I shall attempt to compile them into an entry soon.

till then, the crazy unpacking starts. (and getting myself connected back into the hectic Singaporean lifestyle )

Land of the morning calm

한국 here i come :)

hahahah :]

Captivity

"Kathy looked me right in the eye. Then she took a breath, and never took another one. She sank to the bottom of the tank. Every breath a dolphin takes is a conscious effort, so they can decide not to take the next breath. That's what I mean by suicide"
- Ric O'Barry, a dolphin trainer turned dolphin activist, on the death of one of the dolphins he trained

I was reading an article on the papers about the plight of dolphins in captive as well as the terrible ways they are captured.

The idea of being snatched from your natural surroundings and forced to live in an unnatural place where conditions are much lesser than your prior state, often to the border of cruelty, is unbearable.

The article details how dolphins are captured; hordes driven into an inlet from the sea, healthy ones taken captive while the unlucky ones get clubbed to death. It also talks about lives of the captive dolphins, placed into concrete 'jails' to circle around the same enclosure, pandering to the screams of its audience. Most of dolphins in captivity live much shorter lives than their lucky counterparts out there in the ocean, many of which suffer from painful ulcers and even insanity from the extreme stress brought about by captivity.

I read a quote sometime back: "Humans are an extraordinary species, they are the only species who can experience empathy, so much so that such can even be felt for non-living objects."

The feeling that you often get when you see someone, or even animals, in plight, is a feeling we take for granted, but we don't realise that it's the very ability to do so that makes us human. Not our ability to fight, nor our ability to think of ingenious ways to destroy and annilhilate, but the ability to feel sadness or happiness for another, for us to experience the hurt and pain indirectly from the plight of others.

Connectivity

In the span of the past 2days, I didn't have the use of my handphone, which i had lost, exacerbated by how i was doing duty at camp as well, so i did not have any means to obtain substitute line as a replacement.

That 2days alone taught me alot.

For the initial hours upon losing my phone, i felt strangely distraught, as if i had been disconnected from world. It felt almost like a crime to be uncontactable by a by now, almost taken for granted mean.

The aftermath of which, other than an occasional hiccup of issues arising from being uncontactable, things actually felt good. I stopped having to reach into my pocket to check for my phone from time to time (there was nothing there in the first place). As my friend and I was driving out for lunch today, he remarked how the atmosphere in the car felt so peaceful: few had his number (he deferred for studies a year back and only came back recently to complete his service), while i lost my phone. Basically, we were unplugged for that duration of lunch we had outside camp. True that was. I felt, interestingly, carefree.

I read an article once about the advent of the likes of Blackberries and Iphones, leading to how society is becoming more pressured to ensure that it's individuals are perpetually contactable 24/7, and how it binds us and makes us dependent on this connectivity.

From this experience, i realised how dependent on my phone i was, the need to be connected has indeed been ingrained into my consciousness so much that i can feel a part of me missing with the loss of such a material object.

I guess it was good that such a mishap (?) happened, i came to realise and learnt several lessons which would not have occured if not for this.

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking 'round
Thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that their goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy
Maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

I keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

Journey de la nostalgie

On a particularly futile trip to and fro from my camp to the other camp on the other side of the island, the combination of the drowsy afternoon and the cold air bellowing from the airconditioning vents on the van, my thoughts somehow drifted to memories. Memories of digging through my bag for lecture notes at the lecture hall in junior college, of the sleepless night in japan I had before my concerto the next day, cutting english class halfway in secondary school by "going out to the locker to get stuff", my first big fight i had with a good friend from primary school (we made up, like how fights when we were young turn out).

It felt really satisfying, letting these experiences relieve themselves inside my mind.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." -unknown

and this, is how music unites.

Perceptions and expectations

Just came back from a run at a park near my house. It felt good, putting me into a state of pensiveness and all.

Borrowed my brother's bike to cycle to the park; i must say that the gentle slopes make cycling there absolutely fantastic. Freewheeling down the whole stretch of road, with the wind brushing against my face and body, felt amazing. The element of risk, abandon, unrestraint and of course, speed, just makes it so exhilarating.

Developed a stitch halfway through my 4km run and decided to stop and head to the exercise corner. It was painful (i think i drank too much water at home), nevertheless, the pounding of the feet against the asphalt road surrounding the lake for the first half of my run provided a backbeat for me to mull over issues ongoing in my head.

After a couple of routine exercises, I finished off my last set of sit ups, lying upon the tilted sit up ramps, staring upwards into the night sky.

It felt great.

-

I guess at some point of our lives we face many woes and issues. We face the judgemental onslaught of perceptions and expectations from everywhere around us, and more importantly from within ourselves.

Of the woes of every up and coming men and women into the society, woes brooded by many upon the onset of their twentieth birthday (or more), i guess it just came a little earlier for me.

-

Nevertheless.

today is a good night.

sealed by a ring
a ring of commitment,
a ring of love,

binding

she sits by the glass bowl
of fishes circling
round and round
and a heavy tapestry
that drapes,
surrounds,
and shrouds.

wondering

fences

i hate it when my parents quarrel.

Marketplace lessons

It's been awhile since i stepped into the market, what with busy schedules galore. Went to the market opposite my place to get some vegetables and condiments for the meat i've been wanting to season for quite awhile.

Maybe it's a weekend, as there suddenly seems to be an increase in the size of the male population there: be it toddler totting or tram pushing dads while the mums haggle over the prices of the vegetables, or (shock!) them alone choosing a slab of meat from the meat stall. But definitely, i guess it's a big step from the female dominated arena; a mishmash of gossip, shopping and socialising in this market (oh yes, and squeezing and pushing)

That saying, was choosing from a pile of onion bundles, and you know, you can never seem to get the best onions all in a bundle. Where there are good ones, there will always be the lousy anaemic ones.

I guess it's like life isnt it. It all comes in a set. Whatever decisions you make, there will always be the downsides to the upsides that you'll be getting. No you wont be able to take the bundle of onions back and request for a change, same for life. You just got to live with the decisions you make.

Weird as this analogy may seem, i found this trip to be particularly pensive and therapeutic indeed.

-

Alright, have a lower sec science class at noon to prepare for, so till then.

He came in walking on crutches. A young boy, thirteen at most, an amputee. His rounded face reflected minute crinkles and creases, a stain of spent emotions beyond his age and frame.

"Uncle, a plate of chicken rice, please."

His soft voice broke my train of thoughts.

I busied myself preparing the rice. What exactly happened to this boy, at so tender an age?

It was of course not uncommon to see people in crutches, or even wheelchairs, it was a hospital canteen afterall, the nonbedridden patients definitely preferred the food here over the gruel served in their wards.

"$2.80, boy, thank you"

Propping his trembling arms on his crutches, he slowly reached into his pocket for change. Then it happened.

His arms gave way, his body weight too much for his thin arms to bear. And he fell, crashing onto the floor.

My heart lurched, I wanted to run forward to help him up, but the design of the stall made it impossible for the vendors to move beyond their counter
As quickly as he fell, he hastily struggled to get up. It was no easy feat. Tears welled up in his eyes as he mumbled,

"It's okay, Daddy said I must do it myself. I don't need help. I don't need help."

Tears rolled down those round cheeks, in pain and in frustration.

His soft voice had taken on a rough, unnatural edge. It was the sound of a person who had fought many battles of hardship; a voice, from this tiny frame before me.

"Uncle, sorry... keeping you waiting, I... there, $2.80"

As he choked out those words, I caught his gaze.

They say that the eyes were the bridge to the soul. In his eyes, I saw sorrow and hurt, sadness and despair, loss. It showed me the anguish, the pain, the suffering and the toll it had taken on this young boy; a mere vestige of the life he was supposed to live.

The simple joys of tasting a sweet, the innocent pleasure of running free.

Unknown experiences.

As he limped away carrying his rice, I muttered a small prayer for the boy


-

A small stroke of inspiration on the train on the way to meet my brother and his friends for badminton the other day. I think i look like a right moron scribbling on my notebook then.

Tangerines and Kebabs

it's been awhile since i last blogged.

Life's been pretty much the same, save for a few rollercoaster rides up and down the rails of life.

A fortnights' worth of frantic last minute studying drew to a close yesterday morning after taking my SATs, hope i do get a good grade.

What followed was some great food and great company, ramen at ippudo at mandarin gallery, thor at cineleisure, a trip to cat socrates in the evening at bugis to chill, followed by moroccan cuisine sitting alfresco along muscat st.

The listing? Sometimes i just love the life i have, just hanging out with a small group of people, talking about everything under the sun, enjoying good food and just soaking in the vibe around us.

I saw this mail yesterday by a secondary classmate of mine, havent kept in contact with the majority of my graduating secondary class for a couple of years already. What was in the mail was simply an attempt to collate contacts of everybody in that class: including the universities everyone is studying in now and such, also to suggest a possible gathering via a small barbeque.

which really made me ponder, how we all tend to be so caught up in our lives, sometimes ending up neglecting the people who had at some point of our lives, crossed our paths and made a difference; not that we mean to, but we're just too busy.

For that, i really appreciate the efforts of those, far and few, who actually make an effort to organise such gatherings, and also those who reciprocate by trying their best to make the time for the people who we once saw so often, nearly almost everyday at some point of our lives.

as a close friend of mine said,

"it all boils down to each individual - whether they bother or not"

and on a sidenote, happy mother's day ♥

-

Someone once asked me "i wonder where all the money you saved went to"

my answer to that?

the joy of your own son/grandson treating you and your family to a meal, is all the answer i need.

i love you, Ma

With an upcoming project, life's starting to get crazily hectic all over again. work in the day and rehearsals at night. By work i mean, shuttling to other camps doing countless corp of drums, and numerous inane parade rehearsals.Waking up at 6 in the morning, finish work at 530 and rushing for rehearsal at 7, which ends at 1030. Repeat cycle the next morning.

Had some how managed to secure 2 off days from work today and tomorrow due to the need for some TLC for myself, making for a long week end this week.

Slept in today, made myself some breakfast, fiddled around with the piano, read up abit on SATs; nothing beats some alone time for bodily recuperation. Hope to swim later in the afternoon, if the rain stops. And then off to rehearsal at night :)

Only downside is the irritating construction going on below my block, no idea why i seem to having construction going on all year round.

Transcribing Collin Raye's "Love me" onto piano now. Love that song. :)